Shades of Deception
by NElaineR
Summary: Another dangerous situation.  More romance. They may just be in over their heads.  BTW, don't own this wonderful show.  Wish I did. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay. Well here we go again with another teaser for your speculation… ;-)**_

* * *

><p>"Cal?"<p>

Glasses on, he looked up from his computer as Gillian leaned in his office doorway. She was wearing pink and his eyes roamed over the form fitting material before he could stop himself. Her purse was slung over her shoulder. "Yeah luv?"

"It's getting pretty late and I think I am just about _done_. Feel like I'm going to go cross-eyed any time now." There was a soft smile playing around her lips just to let him know that he'd been caught looking.

Pretending innocence, his gaze dropped to his watch as his features crinkled into a grimace. It had been an exceptionally long day for all of them, although the rest of the staff had managed to sneak out a couple of hours earlier citing "dates" or "previous commitments" and at least one "family emergency." He couldn't really blame them to be honest. Despite that fact, he still had distinct plans to do some ass chewing in the morning. Two of their current cases made him want to stick a fork in his eye, so he and Foster shouldn't be the only ones to suffer. Apparently Gillian was feeling the same way. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I think you may very well have the right idea darlin'."

Her smile brightened but he could see the fatigue around the edges. "Any plans for you tonight Foster?" He tossed the question out as casually as he could as he turned off the computer and headed around the desk. The walked side by side into the hall, the sound of their footsteps isolating them in the darkness.

"Not really. Quick bite, a little reading and I'll be out for the count."

"No bubble bath?"

She narrowed her eyes in mock reprimand as he grinned. "Can't fault me for askin'."

"I think I'd be in danger of falling asleep in the tub if I tried that tonight."

"Oh. Right. That would be bad." He wiggled an eyebrow. "Need a spotter?"

"Funny. You are just hilarious Cal." She took a swing at his upper arm and he quickly moved out of range as they both chuckled, enjoying the relaxed camaraderie. Things had been tense the last few months but it was gradually easing much to the relief of both of them. A rather expensive bottle of Scotch may have had a bit to do with it. Possibly.

Cal secured the entry while Gillian held the elevator to take them down to the parking garage.

"Emily waiting up for you?"

"Nah, she would have already called and yelled at me if that were the case. She's with Zoë this week."

Nodding, Gillian all of a sudden felt a little awkward. They'd _both_ be going home to empty houses tonight. With the easing of tension had come a lot more flirting and she wasn't sure if that was entirely a good thing.

"Yup, on my own for now. Probably best considering…everythin'." He gave a wave of his hand indicating their caseload. At least that was how she interpreted it.

The elevator doors opened to the first level of the parking garage. There were very few vehicles at this time, his Prius, her Volvo, a BMW and a black Escalade. Cal figured the other two belonged to a couple of lawyers one floor down from the Lightman Group. They would feel inclined to drive something garish, wouldn't be able to help themselves.

He walked her to her car, lingering longer than he needed to. "Well goodnight darlin'. Be safe driving home."

"You too Cal." Gillian smiled warmly as their eyes locked. The smile gradually fell away as they watched one another intently. He reached up and delicately pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and she allowed the motion.

His eyes left hers for a moment and caressed her face. They fell to her lips and jumped back up again. He took a half step back, hand dropping. "I'd better get, uh, goin'."

Nodding, she gave a little sound that might have been in the affirmative but neither was quite sure.

The echo of several car doors slamming startled them both. Cal turned curiously in time to see four men running toward them from the Escalade. His eyes immediately focused in on the weapon each held in a gloved hand, a chill running through him. He stepped in front of Gillian, feeling her grip his arm almost painfully.

"Dr. Lightman?" The first man's voice was surprisingly pleasant. "I presume that's Dr. Foster behind you?" They had spread out around them and Cal wasn't able to keep all of them in sight.

"Who wants to know?" Cal's voice seemed unfazed, not belying the fact that his insides were twisting painfully. Maybe if he distracted them, Gillian could make it to the stairwell…" He could feel movement behind him, presumed she was going for her phone.

There was a soft 'thump' and he felt Gillian jerk slightly. Spinning around, he caught her in his arms, noting a small dart sticking out of the back of her shoulder. _What the bloody hell_? He pulled it out, allowing it to drop, feeling her clutch at his shirt, her eyes wide.

"Look mate, I don't know what this is all about but I'll do whatever you want, just leave Dr. Foster outta it." His eyes didn't leave her panicked blue ones. He watched helplessly as her eyelids began to flutter.

Gillian was starting to sag as he clutched her more tightly when he felt and heard another 'thump.' It caught him at the base of the neck, just above his right shoulder. He felt himself recoil from the sting.

"No Dr. Lightman. She's coming too." The voice was still pleasant, almost as if inviting them to an afternoon tea.

One of the men came forward and tried to pull Gill from his arms but Cal gave him a powerful shove with one arm, sending him stumbling back. "Don't touch her!" It was a snarl even as he felt himself begin to weaken.

The first man watched patiently, a smile upon his face. "You're going to drop her."

He was right. Cal's grip began to loosen as his limbs gradually turned to water. She was almost completely limp, head lolling against him. When the other man came forward again to swoop Gillian up, he couldn't fight. "What the hell do you want?"

"My employer needs your expertise."

His knees began to buckle as two pairs of hands caught him. A gray haze numbed his normally sharp mind. "Whatsa matta with making an appoint…ment…?"


	2. Chapter 2

Someone must have driven an ice pick into his forehead and out the back. There was no other explanation. What the hell did he drink last night? He'd never had a hangover this bad.

Cracking his eyes open ever so slightly, the light was bright enough to make him squeeze them shut again. He became aware that he was laying on something soft as he shifted but the smell was unfamiliar.

Sudden memories made him sit up a little too abruptly, eyes flying back open. Cal clasped his head with his hands, bending forward on himself, emitting a low, guttural groan. "Fuck." He was gradually able to focus enough to know that he most definitely wasn't home, nor was he on his couch at the Lightman Group. It looked like a hotel room. Nicely furnished but not personal.

On the night stand next to him stood a water carafe, glass and bottle of Tylenol. He squinted at it for a moment, tempted but thought better of it. As if he was going to trust someone who'd had him darted like some kind of rogue animal. Bringing his hand up, he rubbed the base of his neck, noting tenderness but not much else.

_Gillian._

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself up. And quickly sat back down for several moments. Got up again and managed to stay up. Cal staggered to the door, knowing it would be locked and wasn't wrong. He crossed back and went to the window.

His room was on the third floor with a view of open grass lawns, hedges and a rather tall perimeter wall, easily 12-15 ft. No ledges outside the window or drainpipes to shimmy down. Not that it would matter with the security bars in front of his eyes.

He found himself hovering in the center of the room, heart thrashing around wildly in his chest. _What did they do with her? Was she okay? _He knew that tranquilizer darts could be risky. They needed to have a pretty good estimate of weight for an accurate dosage. _What if they'd screwed up? What if they gave her too much?_ Ice-cold fear settled into his insides even as sweat broke out on his forehead. _No, no, no._

It was time to make some noise. His head was going to hate him. So be it.

Stepping toward the door, he slammed the side of his fist into it several times. "Oi! Tossers!" He continued to pound, accomplishing nothing but making his head hurt more. Kicked instead, finding his heavy boot bumping up the volume a bit. Waited, breathing hard. _Nothing._ "EH!"

Looking around the room, his eyes fell to the bedside table. Cal picked up the lamp, yanking the cord from the wall and threw it with all his strength against the door.

Pain exploded behind his eyes on impact as he stumbled back to the bed, sitting heavily.

The loud crash had the desired effect. A key could be heard in the lock and the door slowly, carefully, swung inward. It pushed against the broken ceramic of the lamp. A large low-browed man looked down at it and then up at Lightman.

"It slipped." Cal quipped dryly. He pushed himself up unsteadily and started to approach but stopped when the man not so subtly moved his coat back to reveal a shoulder holster. Most definitely not a tranquilizer gun. He slid his fear behind his mask.

"Where's Foster? I want to see her."

The man ignored the question as Cal frowned. "Dinner will be in a few hours Dr. Lightman. You might want to rest for the time being. I'm sure you don't feel well." His tone was polite, not unlike the man in the garage.

"Look mate, I just want to know if she's alright." Cal took another step, hands splayed, unthreatening, which was kind of funny considering that the man probably had six inches and seventy pounds on him. "Please."

The man seemed completely unfazed, bored in fact, but Cal could see it was a thin veneer. "I don't know anything about the woman's condition."

_Oh shit. Big lie. Something was wrong._

"My employer will be dining with you. You can address any questions you have to him." He started to pull the door shut. "By the way, if you break the other lamp, I can't guarantee you'll have any light tonight." With that inane comment, he was gone. Cal heard the lock engage once again as he scowled.

The little flicker told him that the man was holding out on him. Not too surprising considering he was just hired help but frustrating nonetheless. _Gillian. God. What if they _had _overdosed her? What if she'd had some kind of allergic reaction? What if she'd never awakened? _

He sunk to the carpet, the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes.

_**(BREAK)**_

There was a polite knock at the door before he once again heard the key in the lock.

The last couple hours consisted of pacing and searching. He wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for other than some kind of indication where he was and who his host was. Cal knew it was wishful thinking but he couldn't help himself. Sitting still would just succeed in pushing him over the edge, so when his thorough search yielded nothing, he went back to pacing, his mind in overdrive.

"Dr. Lightman?" the man from earlier cautiously poked his head in. "Please come with me."

Cal didn't hesitate, glad to be out of the room, determined to find a way out of this mess. "What's your name mate? I'm sure you don't want me to call you what I've been thinkin' of you."

The man glared but his response was amiable. _Wow. Talking about well trained._ "Lucas."

"Alright Lucas, any word on my partner?"

"I already told you-"

"I know what you told me, but I'm asking again." Cal stopped in the hallway and stared intently at the larger man.

Lucas immediately looked uncomfortable under Cal's scrutiny and turned his face away. "I know what you do Dr. Lightman. Just don't try it with me."

Cal's keen eyes followed him anyway. "Too late."

Grunting, the man gave him a not-so-gentle shove forward. "This way."

The hallway ran perpendicular to a mezzanine overlooking a huge foyer. Cal absorbed as much as he could as he was led down a wide staircase, through a library and into the dining room. The place was opulent. Illegal money and lots of it. Cal had a flash from the movie "Scarface," but without the tackiness.

The dining room housed a long mahogany table capable of seating probably 18 to 20 people but at the far end there were only place settings for two. A huge bay window graced the south wall, allowing a peaceful view of green landscaping and a Koi pond.

An elderly gentleman stood up upon Cal's entrance. He was small, fine boned, with snow-white hair combed carefully back from a creased forehead above sharp light blue eyes. His suit was impeccable, custom, easily several thousand dollars. If Cal cared about that kind of thing, he would have felt amazingly underdressed in his faded 501's and black polo. But he didn't.

"Dr. Lightman." The man held a hand out to him. "My name is Dominic."

Cal stared at him but made no move to shake the offered hand. "You'll forgive me if I'm less than cordial."

Lucas cleared his throat behind him threateningly but Cal ignored him. It sounded almost like a boat motor but the old man shook his head. "It's alright Lucas. Dr. Lightman has a right to feel the way he does." He lowered himself into his seat, indicating to Cal that he should do the same.

When Cal chose not to, Lucas helped him with a large hand on his shoulder. Cal sat.

"Where's my partner?" His eyes bore into the old man's who stared back, nonplussed.

"Resting upstairs."

"I want to see her."

"She's sleeping. I'm sure you don't want to disturb her. She's taking a little extra time to…recover."

"If you hadn't drugged her…" Cal's voice rose as he started to get to his feet. "She wouldn't need extra time to _recover_." He made no move to keep the contempt out of his voice.

Lucas shoved him back down.

"I apologize for our unorthodox methods, but it was for the best. It's imperative that I closely guard my identity and location." He waved his hand dismissively. "I've obviously brought you here for a specific purpose and if everything goes well, you and Dr. Foster will be allowed to leave much the way you arrived."

_Much_ the way we arrived? Meaning breathing or not breathing? Cal felt his stomach curdle. "How can I be sure of that?"

"You have my word."

"Why doesn't that make me feel better?"

Lucas _accidentally_ elbowed him in the back of the head.

"That's enough Lucas. I'm sorry Dr. Lightman. He's a stickler for respect. He was brought up right. You have to admire that."

Cal didn't comment, clenched his teeth instead.

"Now, we're going to have a pleasant dinner and discuss what I expect from you."

As if on cue, a middle aged woman pushed through the kitchen door, plates in hand. The first was placed in front of Dominic and the second in front of Cal. Lucas continued to stand and Cal figured he'd already eaten outside with the guard dogs.

"Thank you Sara." Dominic placed his napkin in his lap.

Cal's stomach rumbled despite himself and it occurred to him that he hadn't eaten in close to 24 hours. He cast a suspicious glance at the food before him.

"I assure you, it's not poisoned." The old man had already started to eat while the server brought out wine for them. "You won't do me any good if you're dead." He smiled around his food, betraying a little chink in his gentleman's upbringing.

"I'm willing to discuss business with you." Cal looked at him pointedly. "But I want to see my partner first. I want to see for myself that she's okay. Then we'll talk."

Eyes narrowing, Dominic chewed slowly and studied the younger man intently. He finally swallowed. "Very well Dr. Lightman. After we finish dining."


	3. Chapter 3

Lucas followed Cal up the stairs, but instead of turning down the hallway toward Cal's room, he shuttled him straight, heading for a doorway directly off the mezzanine. Another man sat outside the door, shifting restlessly and doodling on a notepad. Cal recognized him as one of the men from the parking garage. He looked up, nodded to Lucas and met Cal's eyes before going back to his doodles. Looked like he had a dragon fetish.

Without knocking, the big man unlocked the door and pushed it open, stepping aside to allow Cal access.

He moved into the room, pausing briefly, his eyes dropping to the prone form in pink.

Gillian was curled in a fetal like position on top of the bedspread. Facing away from the door, she didn't stir at their entry.

Cal stepped forward on slightly trembling legs and cleared his throat before turning briefly to Lucas. "Give me a moment?"

The bodyguard started to shake his head.

"Seriously. What do you think I'm _gonna do_?" Cal stared intently, eyes like flint.

Screwing up his face, Lucas didn't feel like arguing. The man was a pain in the ass. "Fine." He pulled the door shut behind him.

Cal moved around the far side of the bed before crouching down next to Gillian. She was quiet, mouth slightly open in sleep. "Gillian?" Frowning in worry, he reached out and cupped the side of her face in his hand; thumb lightly stroking against her soft skin. "Gill? Hey darlin'. Can you open your eyes for me?"

"Mhm…?" Heavy lids slightly parted over unfocused eyes.

"There ya go. Almost there."

Her eyes slowly cleared as recognition sunk in. "Cal…?"

"Yeah."

Sitting up too quickly, her eyes squeezed shut and she brought both hands to her face. He could see ugly bruising on the back of one of them. IV? Did Dominic have a doctor on staff? Most likely.

"Take it easy luv. The stuff they gave us has a hell of a punch." Cal was then next to her on the bed, one arm around her shoulders as she leaned against his chest. "Seems like it affected you worse then me."

"This is awful…" she whispered. She took her hands from her face and looked up at him, lucidity moving into her features. "Where are we?"

"I'm not sure. They've done their damnedest to keep information from me. Very careful about not sharing last names especially."

"What do they want?" Her blue eyes were fearful but she kept it contained.

"Gonna find out shortly. Old man by the name of Dominic requires our 'services.'" Cal's voice was sardonic. "Planned on discussing business at dinner but I wanted to make sure you were okay first. Right now he needs us so he didn't argue."

"And after…?"

Now, that was the big question wasn't it? Keeping information away protected their kidnappers but it would seem to protect them as well. At least, theoretically. Cal pulled her into a hug, could feel several unsteady breaths against his neck. The fragrance of her hair hung in his nose. He hugged her a little more tightly.

_**(BREAK)**_

"Sir, come with me please." Lucas' unwelcome mug appeared at the door.

"The lady?"

"She stays here."

Cal looked in Gillian's face. Her eyes were fearful but she schooled her expression to be impassive. What she couldn't hide was the paleness of her face and the little creases that betrayed her physical pain. It was obvious that her head was aching horribly. It just killed him to leave her. Of course it wasn't his choice to make.

"Okay, luv." He pulled away gently, very aware of her hand fisting in his shirt. "Do you trust me?" Cal kept his voice just below a whisper.

She gave a shallow nod.

"We'll get outta this. Alright?"

"I wish I could be so sure." Gillian's face became doubtful.

"None of that." He gently uncurled her hand from his shirt and held it in his own. "I'll see you in a bit. I'll make sure of it." With that, he was up and striding toward the waiting bodyguard.

Turning, Cal met her eyes again, attempting reassurance with a smirk and then he was gone. She heard the lock engage.

Gillian stared after him for many long moments before succumbing to her headache and curling back on her side, eyelids dropping to block out the room light. This time she made sure she was facing the door though.

_**(BREAK)**_

He was led into the library where Dominic was sitting in a leather armchair, brandy in hand.

"Dr. Lightman, please have a seat."

Cal dropped himself into the chair opposite the old man before fixing him with a steely gaze.

"How is Dr. Foster feeling?"

"Not well, no thanks to you."

"That is unfortunate but I did have my personal physician attend to her. He assures me that she will be fine." He took a sip of his drink, meeting Cal's angry eyes without wavering. "Lucas, get Dr. Lightman a drink. What would you have sir?"

"I'm fine."

"Don't be silly. What's a drink between gentlemen? Brandy for the doctor please."

Cal found himself snort at the mention of gentlemen. What a joke all this was. He felt like he was trapped in some kind of bad mob movie, fully expecting this guy's last name to be Coscorelli, or Donetelli or something else that sounded like pasta.

Lucas dutifully filled a brandy snifter with the rich amber colored liquid and placed it on the coffee table before him. Cal just looked at it.

"Okay then." Dominic leaned forward slightly, his expression intense. "Sir, I will be 71 years old in a little less than two months. This would not mean anything to you of course, but it means a lot to my family."

Cal raised his eyebrows. _And?_

"There have been…mutterings about a takeover. I will not mention how I've heard this, but I have reason to believe that someone in my family in planning to betray me. I need to weed them out."

"So they can be…dealt with?"

"Yes." The old man answered honestly and Cal felt a little sick to his stomach. "I realize that this must make you uncomfortable but as the saying goes: 'My back is to the wall.' I have worked too hard for all that I have to allow someone to take it away because my hair in white. _I will not allow it_." Lips twisted back over bared teeth.

Cal believed him. He also believed his own back was to the wall. "Any idea as to whom it might be?"

Waving with his hand impatiently, he continued to stare at Cal. "That is why _you're_ here."

Changing his mind, Cal reached for the brandy.


	4. Chapter 4

Cal took a sip of his drink. Smooth. Expensive. He put it back down. "So, I flush him out and you kill him. That about cover it?"

The old man regarding him, eyes cold. "How I deal with my family doesn't concern you."

"I beg to differ. You kidnap my partner, myself. You want me to work for you, implying threat against us. And then you tell me that I have to basically throw someone under the bus. The blood will be on my hands, no matter how you look at it."

Anger flared in Dominic's face, unaccustomed to being questioned. "You do realize that this is non-negotiable. I would like to keep things amicable but I will not be disrespected in my own home."

"I didn't ask to come here."

Ignoring the comment, the man took obvious pains to control his temper. "I brought the world's leading deception expert here to do a job."

"Against his will."

Once again he proceeded as if Cal hadn't spoken. "I also brought his partner…in an effort to keep him in line."

A chill crept into Cal's blood as he looked at the man, jaw clenched.

"You see, I don't do things lightly. I wanted the best, but I also realized that with having the best…well, lets just say, your reputation precedes you."

_Why couldn't he have settled for second best?_

"Bastard."

The blow was swift and without reserve, almost knocking Cal out of his chair.

"Lucas, that's enough. I think Dr. Lightman is smart enough to understand his situation."

Cal righted himself, unconsciously running a hand over the back of his head. "Fucking lapdog."

"So, where do we go from here?" The anger switched off, charm returning.

Collecting his thoughts, Cal clung to the one truth that could help protect Gillian. "You do realize that my partner is also my voice analysis expert, yeah? I can read faces and body language but there are times when it's not quite enough. If you want the complete picture, I need Dr. Foster to assist me."

Dominic pursed his lips thoughtfully, steepling his fingers beneath his chin. "Very well. What other assistance can we provide?"

"Information on everyone you suspect."

"What kind of information?"

The old man was definitely leery. Hopefully that was still a good thing. If he had plans to dump a couple of lie detection expert bodies in a ditch somewhere, he wouldn't be so careful. _Would he?_

"Just enough to establish a baseline. Dr. Foster and I need to read them when we know they're telling the truth. Makes catching them in lies a bit easier. We need facts like birthdays, spouse's first names, maybe some childhood memories. That kind of thing." Cal paused. "Nothing incriminating."

Dominic nodded. "Alright. We can do that." He looked up at Lucas, who immediately pulled out his cell phone to have the order carried out.

"Your staff is quite well trained."

"Loyalty is rewarded."

"Did anyone tell that to the person or persons trying to pinch your fortune?"

A slow smile formed on the old man's lips. There was nothing friendly about it. "Why settle when you can take it all?"

Cal flickered an eyebrow. "Guess that bit's true." He picked up the brandy and tossed it back, figuring what the hell. "One more question."

"Of course."

"If we do what you ask of us, do I have your word that Dr. Foster and myself will have safe leave?"

"As I said, you will leave much as you came."

"Not what I asked."

The old man sighed, leaning forward. He met Cal's eyes without wavering. "You have my word."

The chill gripped him once again and he carefully put his glass down. _At worst, the guy was lying. At best, he was undecided._

_Shit._

"I'd like to talk to my partner about all this." His voice was even, demeanor resigned. Exactly what Dominic would want.

"I think tomorrow morning will be soon enough. That way you'll both be…refreshed." It was said with an air of finality.

Burning anger replaced the coldness as he stared at the old man. He didn't give a rat's ass if Cal talked with Gill. That much was apparent. It was all about control and Dominic didn't want him to forget it.

_When he'd left her with fear in her eyes, he'd said he'd be back to see her. _

"Look mate, all I'm asking is a minute." Cal didn't want to beg. That wasn't _him _but he owed it to Gill. "No business talk then, yeah?"

"She means a lot to you."

"We've been partners a long time." It didn't really matter at this point. They already knew that Gillian was very important to him. That's the reason she was here and there was no way around that fact. The guilt was already burrowing into him like a sickness.

"Dr. Lightman, I'm not an unreasonable man. I was married to my Elizabeth for 47 years before I lost her. She was everything to me."

"Dr. Foster and I are good friends."

"Of course." He motioned to Lucas. "Dr. Lightman is going to call it a night. Let him have a few moments with his…um…_partner_."

Cal let the innuendo pass.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian was immediately on her feet when the knob turned. Relief swept through her as Cal stepped in, the door pulled firmly shut behind him.

"Hey darlin'. How're you feelin'?" He glanced over at the untouched tray on her nightstand. "Not hungry, yeah?"

The headache to end all headaches had deadened to a manageable throb and of course, like Cal, she was a bit reluctant to eat anything they gave her. "I'm okay."

"Should really try to eat somethin'. Understand why you're not but you need to keep up your strength for when…" He let it hang, knowing that she'd understand. _For when the opportunity to get out arises. _If_ such an opportunity presents itself. _

She nodded distractedly and stepped closer to him when he didn't approach. "What happened?"

_How much should he tell her_? Dominic's demands of course_. But what about his_ _suspicion that they may not survive this little adventure?_ He didn't want to scare her but it wouldn't be fair to conceal it either.

"Cal?"

"Dominic suspects that someone in his family is going to attempt to push him out and take the reins. He wants us to find out who it is so they can be…stopped."

"Stopped?" Gill's voice lowered as she interpreted his words. "Oh my God."

"Yeah. We'll have more information in the morning regarding everyone involved. We'll just have to go from there."

_47 years for the old man and his wife.. And _they_ wouldn't even make it to a first anniversary_. Cal frowned at the unbidden thought. _Where the hell had that come from?_

"The plonker in the hall isn't going to allow us much more time."

She reached out and touched his arm. Her fingers were cool against his flesh. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"I'm really not sure _what_ to tell you." Helplessness touched his features but he quickly tucked it away.

Gillian saw before he had time to hide it though. It wasn't something she could remember seeing before. Not on Cal. Not ever. And it scared the hell out of her. Without thinking, she gently stroked the side of his face, eyes on his. The hand lingered for several moments.

He was clearly surprised at the intimate gesture and offered a tiny smile in return before moving away. "Good night luv. See you in the morning."

As if on cue, Lucas pushed in. "Time's up Dr. Lightman."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Not particularly wild about this chapter but I'm trying to move forward regardless. BTW, thanks so much for the reviews! You guys rock!**_

* * *

><p>The dragon doodler was still stationed outside Gillian's door. The current dragon was air born, wings spread, mouth open in a silent scream of rage. It actually wasn't bad. As before, he nodded to Lucas but caught and held Cal's eyes for several seconds as Lucas locked the door. At that moment a small memory stirred. <em>This was the same guy<em> _that had taken Gillian away from him in the garage_. Cal frowned and the man dropped his gaze. _Weird. _

"Let's go Dr. Lightman." Lucas gave him a shove forward and Cal turned on him, teeth bared.

"You're gonna want to stop that mate." His voice was a low growl as his temper flared. He was really starting to tire of this bastard.

Lucas looked at him as if he were an annoying little terrier that might bite at his ankle. One that he'd be tempted to kick. Narrowing his eyes, he scowled down at the older man.

Cal stared back, anger rippling through his face, not bothering to hide it. "How can Dominic be sure that his betrayer is a _family_ member?" He took a step closer. "Maybe, just maybe, he's a _trusted_ employee."

Rage and fear swept over the big man. One hand quickly shot out and balled in the front of Cal's shirt.

"Hey man, you need to back down." The dragon doodler had watched the exchange with interest before deciding it might be a good time to intervene.

"Shut up Andrew!"

Cal had grabbed the other man's fist in his own in an attempt to pull it free. There was really no point but it was in his nature to at least try. "Was that a bit of guilt that I just saw?" He goaded him despite the physical imbalance.

The man loosened his grip on the shirt before swiftly moving to change position. The big hand now curled around the front of Cal's throat. "THAT IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!" He shook the smaller man like a rag doll to punctuate his point. Cal pulled at the hand, trying desperately to suck air in.

Andrew was on his feet and next to Lucas. "Man, he's just baiting you! Let him go!" He grabbed at the other man's arm, watching as Lightman's face slowly turned dark red. "You're gonna kill him! Jesus man! Let…him…GO!"

Cal's vision funneled to a pinpoint as his oxygen-starved brain began to react adversely. Somewhere nearby he could dimly hear banging and screaming. _Was that Gillian?_

Then he down was on the expensive oriental runner hacking and gasping.

Hearing the woman's panic, Andrew walked to the door. He didn't bother to open it, just spoke against it. "Your partner is fine. Please calm down and get some rest."

"Cal?" Her voice was slightly muffled, but still tinged with fear.

He managed a rasping bark from his knees. "S'okay, luv."

Andrew took charge. "Luke – sit. I'll take this guy back to his room. You need to relax."

The big man was breathing like a bull, still staring down at Lightman.

"Don't even think about kicking him."

Lucas curled a lip and dropped into Andrew's vacated chair, but not without reluctance. Taking several deep breaths, he was obviously still trying to regain control, knowing full well the implications of what could have happened. With difficulty, he kept his eyes away from the doctor.

"You. Come on." Andrew hooked Cal under the arms and dragged him to his feet. "Alright?"

Cal nodded, eyes hard. The other man released him.

"Let's go." He escorted Lightman across the mezzanine and down the west hall. "Do you enjoy tormenting Grizzlies or something?"

They had reached the other room. He opened the door and swung it wide, all the while fixing Lightman with a gaze that was part amusement, part admiration.

"It's a hobby." Cal gingerly touched his throat.

"Not a very smart one."

"So I've been told."

"You watch yourself man." With that, Andrew was gone.

Cal stared at the locked door for several moments, his mind racing.

_Something was definitely rotten in the state of Denmark_. _More_ than what he initially thought.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian leaned against the door, heart hammering, hearing strained.

Initially all she heard was the low murmur of Cal's voice. She couldn't make out the words but they dripped with anger and threat. She knew that tone well and it immediately kicked her adrenaline into overdrive. _Cal, don't do it!_

Then the big man was bellowing followed by quiet gagging sounds. _Lucas was strangling Cal. No, no, no…_

"Cal!" She'd banged heavily on the door. "Oh my God, Cal!" Tears of fear and frustration had clouded her vision.

The second man, Andrew, intervened and Gillian felt a swell of gratitude for him regardless of their situation.

A moment later, she heard Cal coughing heavily. He acknowledged he was okay and then they were gone. He hadn't sounded particularly okay.

She could still hear heavy breathing outside the door and it gave her the chills. Gillian moved away, almost expecting the big man to come in and take his aggressions out on her. Luckily for her, he didn't. His leash was still taut. She wondered for how long.

Sitting heavily on the bed, her eyes roamed the room, looking for anything she wouldn't have noticed before. Next to the bureau a small suitcase sat. Frowning, her breath caught as she recognized it.

They had not only kidnapped her and Cal but they'd broken into her home and _packed for her_. A spike of terror suddenly coursed through her. If they'd done the same for Cal (and she imagined they had), what if Emily had been there…?

Sweat broke out as she contemplated that possibility. It took her several horror filled moments to remember their conversation from earlier.

_"Emily waiting up for you?"_

"Nah, she would have already called and yelled at me if that were the case. She's with Zoë this week."

Profound relief pushed her breath out in one huge gust. At least his daughter was safe. All she needed to worry about now was keeping him from getting himself (and her, by proxy) killed.

_Oh, Cal._

_**(BREAK)**_

"I think you'll find everything you need there." Dominic pushed a notebook toward Cal at breakfast.

He looked at it, but made no move to pick it up. "Dr. Foster and I would like to study the information before beginning our interviews. Are there any other possibilities, other than family?"

From the corner of his eye, he could see Lucas tense. The man hadn't said one word, had even refrained from looking at him. Cal was beyond certain that he'd already be dead if the action didn't effectively slip a noose around the bodyguard's neck as well.

"I'm very careful, regarding my staff. Most have been with me since they were barely more than children. My own kids, on the other hand, were not selected. They just happened."

_You can pick your friends but not your family. _

Cal nodded, his fingertips now slowly pulling the notebook toward him. "I guess I can see that."

Gillian entered the dining room, flanked by Andrew.

Immediately, Cal rose to his feet before being roughly pushed back down by a still smoldering Lucas.

"Now, Lucas. I don't think that was really necessary. Dr. Lightman is behaving as any gentleman should when a lady enters a room." Dominic's voice was congenial, but there was still a barely disguised edge to it. _All about control. _

Appropriately chastised, Lucas took a step back.

It was obvious that the old man didn't know anything about last night's incident.

_Interesting._

Cal filed it away for future reference.

"Mornin' luv." He met Gillian's eyes, seeing fatigue and fear, but gave a little nod of assurance. It was the only thing he _could_ do.

She offered him a smile. It was small but genuine. Just for him.

"It's very nice to finally meet you Dr. Foster." Dominic was up, holding a gnarled hand out to her.

The smile fell away and she looked at the old man with distaste. She made no move to take his hand in hers. Cal smirked.

"Okay, well." Dominic cleared his throat as his arm dropped and he reseated himself. "Please enjoy your breakfast. You both have a busy day before you."


	6. Chapter 6

They were locked in Cal's room and given time to study over the information that Dominic had presented them.

"He couldn't have had just one kid?" Cal's mouth twisted to the side in aggravation as they paged through the notebook.

Five grown kids, twelve grown grandkids and a handful of greats. Obviously the children were included because Dominic was a completist. At least Cal hoped that was the reason.

"What if none of them are guilty Cal?" Gillian's voice was tight.

"You mean aside from that shifty looking six year old?" His pointed to one of the photos. His attempt to lighten the mood fell flat and he let out a sigh. "I don't get the impression that Dominic will accept that."

"Neither do I." She looked up at him. "What do we do?"

Meaning, do they just randomly throw one of them to the wolves or do they stand by their science and take the old man's wraith. _Whatever_ that would entail. Of course there was a good chance it wouldn't matter either way.

"We do our jobs right now I suppose, until we have a better choice."

Her eyes had dropped to the light bruising on his throat. "Unless you get yourself killed beforehand."

"Sorry luv. I'd just had enough of that bastard." He gave a half-hearted shrug. "Lost my temper."

"And proceeded to get the worst end out of it."

"Yeah, there's that."

Gillian was quiet for a moment as her brow furrowed. "You do realize that if you get yourself killed, you're just going to succeed in leaving me alone with these people?"

He stared down at the notebook, feeling a little sick. With a snap, he shut it and tossed it aside.

"I won't let that happen."

"If you pull a stunt like the last one…"

"I won't." Cal threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into an embrace. "I'll be good."

Backing away slightly, he met her eyes. "I promise."

Their eye contact held and he reached up and gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear before leaning forward and pressing his lips to her forehead. "I won't leave you alone." He kissed her cheek, frowning when he noticed the taste of salt. "Please don't cry luv."

Gillian leaned into him, squeezing her eyes shut, wishing this were all a bad dream but oddly finding more comfort in his arms than she should.

"Hey." He cradled her face in his hands, tilting his head to the side. "Look at me."

She slowly opened her eyes and stared into his. They were currently greenish with gold flecks. She'd always loved the shifting quality of his hazel eyes.

"I think there's more going on here than the obvious and it may just very well work out in our favor."

"You don't know that for sure."

"No but my instincts are generally pretty good." His voice was soft as one thumb lightly caressed her cheek. She pushed her face into his hand and he felt his breath quicken.

"Sometimes."

"Yeah, sometimes. Hopefully this will prove to be one of those times."

Cool fingers touched his neck. "Does it hurt?" A little frown of concern touched her features.

"Not too bad."

He hadn't realized she'd moved closer. Their faces were inches apart.

It was all so damned inappropriate. They were in danger of losing their lives here and all he could think about was kissing her. _What the hell?_

Gillian made the choice for them and he felt her soft mouth against his. It didn't seem right. It seemed almost like he was taking advantage but he returned the kiss regardless and it felt wonderful. The comfort they found in one another briefly staved off the fear that enveloped them. All of a sudden it didn't _feel_ wrong. Even when their breathing became harsher, their hearts began to thunder in synch and the kiss became more desperate, it still didn't feel wrong.

The sudden banging at the door had them flying apart, eyes dark with passion but not without confusion. _What just happened?_

Lucas pushed the door open, eyes flicking between the two of them before turning to slits. "You're expected downstairs. He wants to get the show on the road."

"What if we're not ready?" Cal's own contempt leaked into the question.

"I don't think that's the case. Let's go." He stood aside to allow them to go before him.

_**(BREAK)**_

Dominic's children consisted of three daughter and two sons, ranging in ages from 34 to 51.

Cal and Gillian worked through them independently of one another. They didn't want any of them to play off one another and throw off the read. It was slow and arduous and by the time they had thoroughly questioned all five of them, the only thing apparent was that the old man was well loved and that they were all concerned for his mental state. Of course that, in itself, could be indicative of a take over, but Cal and Gillian didn't note any direct signs of such a plan. They were just met with honest indignation at such a suggestion in the first place.

Dominic entered the library but without Lucas. In his place was the smarmy guy from the garage, the one that smiled as he informed Cal that he was about to drop Gillian.

Cal immediately tensed and Gill laid a quieting hand on his arm.

"Good afternoon doctors. You'll forgive the intrusion but I couldn't help but wonder if you had any news for me." Dominic was superficially gracious as always but the other man smirked, noting Cal's anger.

Where's your Neanderthal?"

The old man frowned, apparently not approving of childish name-calling. "An errand. This is Jonathan."

Cal glowered even more.

Gillian, being the peacemaker, addressed Dominic. They'd decided to stay with the science, whether it produces a guilty party or not. "We did not pick up any indicators of deception with any of your children. All are quite concerned about your welfare but were aghast at the suggestion of a takeover."

"What about Cameron?"

Cameron was the youngest child. Probably the "accident." Although sleazy with a predisposition for ponies and pretty women (he'd been merciless with Gillian until Cal had gotten in his face, forcing him to back down), he was similarly irritated about the idea of pushing his father out of power. Besides, the guy was not the brightest color in the crayon box – he wouldn't be capable of planning and executing such a plan.

"Like I said, Dr. Lightman and I could find no deception."

Dominic pursed his lips in thought before narrowing his eyes and turning heel. "Keep looking!" He snapped over his shoulder. Jonathan gave a wide smile that didn't erase the hardness in his eyes and followed after his boss.

"Starting to show his stress. Wonder if somethin' else has changed." Cal muttered as the other two men disappeared. Andrew still stood just outside the door so they were far from alone.

Gillian shook her head wordlessly as Andrew took that moment to lean into the room. "You guys ready for the next onslaught?"

"Do we have a choice?" Cal answered dryly.

"Guess not." He stared at them for a moment and Cal had the distinct impression that the man was having an inward debate. "Something on your mind?" He slouched and cocked his head to the side, fixing Andrew with an intense look.

"Please don't do that Dr. Lightman." The younger man looked uneasy and Cal was now intrigued.

"Don't do what?"

"You know."

"I know there's something you're not sayin' that you'd like to say." His gaze was merciless and Andrew shifted uncomfortably.

"I can't." A tiny amount of fear was slipping into his normally cool demeanor. "It's not time." The words were very quiet.

A moment later, he glanced over his shoulder as his face turned to marble, his professional veneer now seamless. "Charles and Alaina are here."

The oldest of the grandchildren had arrived.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hope no one is bored. There's some action coming soon if y'all hang in. Thanks for reading!<strong>_


	7. Chapter 7

Late the next afternoon, Dominic was on a tirade. His red face contrasted deeply with his white hair. If he'd been wearing blue, he would have looked downright patriotic. If they were _still_ in the U.S., that is.

As expected, he wasn't accepting of the fact that his family was not plotting against him. When Gillian shared the news, he was blustering in her face and Cal had smoothly inserted himself between them, not allowing Gill to take the brunt.

"If you are positive about having a Judas in your midst, you need to look for someone else within your organization." Cal kept his voice neutral.

"Who else could it be?" The old man was screaming. "The fucking cook? You two have obviously not done the job I brought you here to do! I WILL NOT accept you telling me that it's one of the boys that I hand picked and trained from a child!"

"I'm telling you, conclusively, that none of your kids or grandkids want to harm you."

The old man's slap was sudden, violent. Cal's head rocked to the side for a moment before he fixed Dominic with an angry glare. He made no move to bring a hand to his stinging cheek.

"You are full of shit!" A fine spray of spittle hit Cal's face.

"No, I'm not. If you want to get to the bottom of this, you need to listen to me and use your head to consider other options." He felt Gillian holding tightly to his left arm from behind. Her hand was trembling ever so slightly.

Lucas was standing in the corner, a thin smirk stretched across his wide features. His hand was hovering near his shoulder holster. Cal took that as a very bad sign. The guy was just waiting for the order. One word from this delusional old man and they'd be done.

"Sir, what would we have to gain from lying to you?" Gillian stepped to Cal's side, her voice was rational, soothing.

Breathing heavily, Dominic's light blue eyes shifted to her. Cal bristled slightly, uncomfortable with her stepping back into the old man's line of fire.

"Let us go through the information again. Maybe there's something we missed. It does happen. We're only human. But Dr. Lightman is right. You may want to consider other possibilities. Have _all_ your men been with you since they were young?"

Definite tension from Lucas in the corner. It was obvious he hadn't. Cal knew that the guy wasn't who Dominic was looking for, but considering everything, he was more than willing to let the bastard swing.

"You know as well as I do that young guys have more balls than brains. Maybe someone wound up with a huge sense of entitlement." Cal spoke matter of factly, giving the impression that they were part of the same team of 'mature' gentlemen, even though Cal was younger than the old man's firstborn.

A huge sigh, not unlike a deflating balloon blew out from between Dominic's lips. The rage was officially gone. "I will think on this. Yes, that's what I'll do." He was muttering to himself, temporarily forgetting his audience. "I was so sure…" Snapping back, the moment was over. His eyes regained their sharpness. "I want you to look for errors. Dr. Foster is correct. You must have made a mistake." His gaze was back on them, unwavering. "Lucas, escort them back to Dr. Lightman's room. I have a few things I want to look into." Dominic slipped out, expression distracted.

Lucas initially made no move to escort them anywhere, apparently waiting until the old man was out of earshot.

"We're more than happy to wander up there ourselves." Cal's comment was flippant and he felt Gillian's warning glare. He gave her a quick apology with his eyes.

"I know what you're trying to do." Lucas kept his voice quiet, but it was barely controlled. His emotions were all over the board.

"And what's that mate?"

"I am not responsible for any of this."

"I'm very aware of that."

Lucas blinked in confusion, his composure rattled. "Then what…?"

"He brought me…us…here to do a job. Part of our job is to keep people on edge. They make mistakes when they're nervous. It breaks down their ability to cover a lie. _And we're very good at what we do_." Cal's voice was reassuring. He was telling the truth but only Gillian could tell he was spreading it with a bit of BS just to satiate the bodyguard.

Jonathan came into the room at just short of a run, face tense. He didn't cast a single glance at Cal or Gillian. Words were exchanged with Lucas in a low murmur. A moment later, Lucas crossed to close and seal the door adjoining the library and dining room. He and Jonathan then stepped out the pocket door leading to the foyer.

"Stay here." The big man's voice was a growl, having lost all pretense of vulnerability. He slid the door shut and they heard the click of the lock from the other side.

Gillian darted a look at Cal but he was already roaming the perimeter of the room. He stopped by the window, noting the thick, double-paned glass and the security bars. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement on the grounds but when he looked in earnest, there was nothing. Striding toward the pocket door, he eyed the lock, fairly certain he could pop it. They might need to. Whatever was going on might give them the opening they needed.

The sound of a high caliber gunshot reverberated in the distance and Cal froze.

"Was that-?" Gillian's voice was tight with panic.

"Yeah, darlin', it was." Without further debate, he pulled his keys from his pocket and used the slender edge of his Manchester United key ring to wedge next to the lock. With just a little finagling, he was able to pop it open.

"Cal…? Are you sure that's such a good idea?" She obviously didn't know what to do with herself, so she hovered over him worriedly.

"No, but I don't like the idea of staying here like a couple of sittin' ducks either."

He took her hand in his and slowly slid the door open, peering out into the entry.

Another gunshot cracked from somewhere on the grounds.

Without further hesitation, he pulled Gillian along, staying close to the walls and trying to look everywhere at once.

They snaked along the wall of the foyer, heading further into the bowels of the house. He figured that walking out the front door would be akin to ringing a dinner bell and that wouldn't be in their best interest. Smartest thing would be to head for a back or side door. After that, his dubious plan fell apart. He figured that a little luck of some kind would be nice though.

"Do you know where you're going?" The whisper was right behind his left ear.

"Nope." His voice was barely a breath. "Come on. This way."

The slipped under the arch of the main staircase and proceeded further, finding themselves in the huge kitchen. No one there. _Odd._ They turned right, ending up in a back hallway. A service entrance beckoned at the very end. Figuring it was now or never, Cal hung a left and headed toward the door, Gillian's hand firm in his own.

They pushed out into the bright sunlight, eyes scanning for a low point in the perimeter fence or possibly the convenient placement of a tree. Cal knew how unlikely it was but honestly wasn't sure what else to do. He was at a loss and the feeling of helplessness only succeeded in honing that inner point of anger inside. If they stayed, there were probably dead. If they attempted to leave, there were probably dead. It just made him feel physically ill that Gillian had been forced into this situation. He only thing he _was_ sure of was that he'd protect her to the very end.

Edging along the outside wall of the house, he glanced back to Gillian, gave her what he hoped was a reassuring look and squeeze of the hand before turning back just in time to see Lucas rounding the corner and heading straight toward them.


	8. Chapter 8

The contempt on the man's face gave clear indication to his intentions.

"Gill! Back the way we came. Zig zag. Don't give him a clear shot." Cal shook off her hand and gave her a push.

"You son of a bitch. This is all your doing!" It was primitive rage that came out in guttural bursts.

Cal had a single moment of confusion before Lucas was on him, one large hand grabbing his shoulder roughly, while a snub-nosed pistol was rammed into Cal's belly.

Without pretense, the big man squeezed the trigger. Stumbling backward, Cal fell hard into a sitting position, hand over his wound as blood flowed, face a mask of shock. Intense pain unlike anything he'd ever felt before ripped through him. He was dimly aware of a low moaning and it took him a moment to realize that the annoying noise was coming from him.

Cal didn't see the man taken down with a single bullet to the head but he did hear Gillian's short scream of terror. He swung his head to the side to see Gillian crouched next to him, her beautiful eyes overflowing with tears and dread.

A beat later he was on his back, staring at the intense blue sky. It was so beautiful with little hint of pollution. The air was dry. Arizona? New Mexico? West Texas? His eyes slid shut. He became aware that his head was now pillowed on something soft and someone's hand was gently pushing his hair from his clammy forehead. Another hand was tangled in his own and with effort he was able to brush his thumb against one finger and heard an anguished sob in response.

Warmth spread out around him but the chill within was startling. He tried desperately to plug the hole with his hand, could feel something wadded there as well (Gill's shrug?), but even in his semi-conscious state, a realization came to him. _He was bleeding to death._

_ "_You hang in there Cal." The sweetest voice ever hovered near his ear, gentle breath tickling the hair of his short sideburns. "You hear me honey? You need to hold on."

_Gillian. Had she ever called him honey before? He didn't think so_.

Cal tried to open his eyes to look at her and caught a hazy image through his lashes. She was backlit against the sun and he couldn't really see her. _He really wanted to see her face again._

The burning pain caused him to involuntarily arch his back and twist around but loving arms held him tight. "You're going to be okay. You told me you wouldn't leave me!" Her voice was calm, but edged in fear. He thought he could hear the lie but instantly forgave her.

"Sorry." The one weak word slid out from between his lips. Surrounding noise began to mute as darkness fell.

_**(BREAK)**_

Time slowed down for Gillian. She felt as if she were under water.

One moment she was following behind Cal, her hand firmly in his. The next moment, Dominic's bodyguard blocked their route. There was nothing less than murderous rage on the man's face.

Cal gave her a push back the way they had come, yelling for her to just _go_, zig zag, don't get hit but it was obvious that Lucas wasn't paying any attention to her. She wasn't his target.

He tried to dodge but the big man grabbed him by the shoulder and Gillian caught a glimpse of the gun before it was rammed into Cal's midsection. Shock and pain rippled through his face as Lucas pulled the trigger.

"Cal!" It was less a scream than an anguished wail and Gillian was moving forward, unmindful of her own safety.

Staggering back, Cal abruptly sat down in the grass, staring at the blood oozing out from between his fingers, even as he tried to stem the flow. He looked up at Gillian as she crouched next to him, blinking in surprise at the tears streaming down her face. She pulled off her shrug, balled it up and pressed it into his belly, forcibly removing his hand to do so.

There was another gunshot as Andrew appeared around the corner of the house and took Lucas out with one clean hit to the head. "We've got a man down! I repeat, we have a man down! Need a medevac NOW!" The man was practically screaming but Gillian took no note as to what his reasons or actions must mean. She was grateful when he removed his coat and spread it over Cal, which she tucked lovingly around him.

Cal continued to stare at her, almost in amazement before curling forward and rolling onto his side. He settled on his back. Gillian held him tightly as he arched and thrashed in pain for several very long moments before quieting. His face was white, breathing fast and shallow, eyes now closed. He was going into shock and there wasn't anything she could do about it. All she could do was keep her arms locked around his trembling form and fight to control her sobs.

"You hang it there Cal. You hear me honey? You need to hold on." She pushed her lips against his forehead. "You're going to be okay. You told me you wouldn't leave me."

He cracked his lids open ever so slightly and gave her a look of apology. "Sorry."

Then they rolled back in his head and slid shut.

Gillian couldn't breath. The sobs and gasps wracked through her body, leaving no room for oxygen. "God damnit Cal!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>Teared up a little in this chapter. Am I the only one? Hope not… don't want to be the only one to feel like a weenie.<em>**


	9. Chapter 9

Gillian was covered in blood. His blood. And she hadn't even noticed. It was even on her face. She dimly remembered holding his hand to her cheek. Absently, she ran the backs of her fingers against it and only succeeded in smearing it. The blotch wasn't quite dry, just tacky, the thickening liquid now a single brushstroke against her skin. Her hand dropped to her lap. She really didn't care right now.

Cal's heart had stopped in the helicopter.

She couldn't be completely certain but it had felt like hers had stopped right along with his. Agony in her chest and she suddenly couldn't breath again. Like when she'd thought he'd died on their captor's estate.

Two charges from the defibrillator had returned his heart to an erratic pace. Better erratic than not at all. Hers started up at that moment as well. They were in synch after all.

It seemed almost pointless though. All the blood they had pumped into him seemed to leak right out. It had a choice. There were two wounds. It could gush out the entry wound _or_ the exit wound. The blood didn't seem to have a preference. _It had been everywhere._

Andrew suddenly appeared before her. His eyes were haunted. His eyes. Haunted. She would have laughed if she were capable.

She stood up just when he opened his mouth to speak. He didn't get very far. Gillian hit him and it wasn't a girly hit either. Her fist was closed. She put her weight behind it.

Stumbling back a few steps, his eyes widened. Gillian was satisfied to see that his lip was bleeding. What's a little bit more blood?

"I'm sorry Dr. Foster. I was under orders. My hands were tied."

"Fuck you." Gillian tended to shy away from profanity. This time she made an exception.

The guy was a fed. He could have gotten them out earlier but didn't. The undercover operation was just too important. More important to bring down Dominic Cordova and his minions than to preserve the lives of two lowly lie detection experts.

"I contacted Agent Reynolds. He's flying out."

That's right. They were in Santa Fe.

Gillian sat back down, face blank. It didn't really matter. She was beyond done with the FBI. They could all go to hell. A pang of guilt struck her. Ben. He was their friend. But he was also one of _them_.

"I'm sorry." Repeating himself, Andrew hovered for just a moment before the woman gave him a scalding look. In no uncertain terms, it said 'don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.' At that point he left. There was a bar up the block and across the street that he was familiar with. His plan was to get good and drunk. Tequila and lots of it. There wasn't much of a plan beyond that.

Gillian moved from the chair and curled up on the couch instead. It wasn't any more comfortable than the chair but at least she could rest her head a little more easily.

She thought about the kiss. It had been out of line. She knew it even as she had initiated it. She thought about how warm he'd been, how dry and gentle his lips were before slowly turning fiery with passion. She didn't regret it. Not as all. Especially now. _He'd been so warm_, but the last time she touched him, his skin had been cold. She'd held his hand until she couldn't any longer. They'd only let her go so far.

A sob erupted in the back on her throat and once again her eyes blurred. She silently but forcefully cried herself into a fitful doze.

_**(BREAK)**_

"Dr. Foster?"

A gruff but not unkind voice roused her from nightmare infused dreams. She opened her eyes and blinked up at the man.

The doctor was in his 50's with thinning, gray hair and a well-manicured mustache.

They'd lost Cal on the table.

She could see that in his demeanor but she could also see his honest surprise. They'd been able to bring him back around. The doctor was impressed, almost awed.

They didn't know Cal. His will was strong. He wanted to live.

"Can I see him?"

"He won't know you're there."

"He might."

The doctor studied the woman closely. She'd obviously gone through hell but she exuded a tough but calm quality that he instantly respected. This man meant the world to her and she wouldn't relinquish any kind of hold without a vicious fight. He gave a firm nod. "Of course. He's heavily sedated to give his body a chance to recover but it's also a kindness at this point. He's going to be in quite a lot of pain when he awakens." _If he_ _awakens._ The doctor hadn't said it, but it was implied.

An image of Cal's agonized thrashing and her attempts to keep him still flashed into her mind. A moment of intense nausea had her looking around for a wastebasket before it passed.

"Are you alright Dr. Foster?"

The man's eyes were brown and full of compassion. Dr. Talbot. That's right. He'd told her before they'd taken Cal into surgery.

"Fine. It's just…been hard."

"I understand." He waved a hand before them. "This way please."

Gillian walked with him through the double doors, down a long hallway, before taking the elevator up two floors. "He's currently in ICU. His injuries were…extensive." Once again, she saw the awe. Most patients didn't survive the kind of wound Cal had suffered.

They exited on the forth floor, hung a right and pushed through another set of double doors before making one more turn and entering the quiet of Intensive Care.

"You realize that although he's currently stable…" They'd stopped outside room 7 and he turned to her, his voice a warning.

Talbot didn't need to finish. They still fully expected Cal to die. It was all over the doctor's face.

Without comment, she stepped into the small room crammed full of equipment. Interestingly, he wasn't on life support. She didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. As if reading her thoughts, the doctor's low voice filled the silence. "He's breathing well on his own, but we're providing oxygen support and of course monitoring all vitals very closely. The first 48 hours are the most telling."

"Thank you." Gillian approached the bed and took her place in the provided chair.

"Normally visitors are only allowed 15 minutes every hour but I'll let the nurses know that we're making an exception. Unless of course we have an emergency situation, you understand." He was telling her not to get her hopes up without actually saying it.

"Of course." She shot him a look of gratitude, before shifting her gaze to the bed.

Cal's pallor was ghastly, the reddish-gold stubble and dark blond hair his only color. Tenderly, she took his hand in hers and let out a shuddering sigh.

At least it was finally warm.


	10. Chapter 10

They'd asked if Cal had a DNR order on file.

The horror of it still clung to her when she was awake and even followed her into her nightmares on the rare occasion when she'd slip into an uneasy doze.

_Do not resuscitate_.

Of course they'd already taken those measures twice. She'd made sure of it. Cal had left her with the final say and she'd be damned if she'd give up on him.

Looking up, she blinked to try to clear her eyes before a frown crinkled her normally smooth brow.

Cal stood in the doorway, dressed in black as usual. He cocked his head and gave her a smirk but his eyes were soft and loving. With a nod, he turned to walk down the hallway with that familiar swagger of his.

Her head swiveled between the fragile, unconscious Cal in the hospital bed and the robust one that just left the room.

Gillian was on her feet in a heartbeat, calling his name as she followed him. She saw his back retreat around a corner and pursued him at a run, thankful for flats. When she reached the corner, he was gone. In a panic, her eyes scanned every possible place he could have disappeared. The hall was lined with doors. He could be anywhere.

A gentle hand fell to her shoulder and she whirled to find him standing before her, face deadly serious, eyes worried. At that moment, it occurred to her that she'd left the real Cal alone, vulnerable. With one last look at the one behind her, who nodded encouragingly, she turned to bolt back toward ICU. Everything stretched out before her, almost like she was in a nightmare. She just couldn't move fast enough, but despite the fatigue coursing through her body, she pushed herself. She had to get back to him.

Stopping just outside the room, she stared in horror. The staff were pushing equipment out of the room. A moment later, two orderlies guided a covered gurney through the doorway. A form was apparent under the sheet. As she stared, a lightly freckled hand dropped from beneath the thin cover. The fingers curled ever so slightly as she watched.

She couldn't breath, couldn't move. This was not happening. This was not happening. No, no, no, no…sinking to her knees, she rocked forward, clutching herself, trying desperately to breath. With tremendous effort, she was finally able to fill her lungs. The word tore painfully at her throat, blistering the sides, the anguish behind it giving it strength to vibrate through walls.

"CAL!"

Heart pounding, her eyes flew open, blurred with tears. It took her several moments to situate herself before she heard the steady beeping of a heart monitor. _Steady _beeping. Something was different. A warm pressure rested against her upper arm. That wasn't there before was it?

Blinking heavily she moved her head up from where it rested against the edge of the mattress.

Dark hazel eyes stared back at her. "You okay darlin'?" His voice was rough, slightly shaking.

"Am I…?" She hiccupped as her eyes filled. She couldn't speak as sobs took over, feeling his thumb weakly rub against her arm.

"Shhh…s'okay."

"You're awake." She whispered, sniffling.

His lids dipped before focusing on her again. "Don't know if I'm better off for it." Pain rippled through the muscles of his face. His eyes were glazed with it.

Taking his hand, she pressed her lips against it, noting the ghost of a smile on his lips before he quickly sobered. "Let me get someone." Gillian moved to get up, but his hand didn't let go of hers. The grip was weak but tenacious.

"Please don't go."

"You need something Cal."

"Need a lot of things, but mostly, you. Here with me. Please."

He was almost begging and that somehow frightened her to the core. With a reluctant nod, she sat back down.

"Feel awful."

"I guess you would. He shot you."

He thought about that for a moment. "Lucas."

"Yes."

"But we got out…"

"Yes. Andrew was undercover FBI."

Cal frowned and she imagined the same thing going through his head that had gone through hers earlier.

"Apparently it was a huge operation. He'd been undercover for close to two years."

"Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few I guess." He'd started to mumble and she wasn't sure how long he'd stay lucid. "Where are we?"

"Santa Fe."

"Oh." Shifting ever so slightly, his body instantly went rigid as his eyes widened. The heart monitor faltered for an instant before taking on the rhythm of a galloping horse. She felt him grabbing onto her hand like a drowning man and all she could do was stroke it gently, all the while hoarsely calling out for help and crying.

The sudden change in the monitors had already sent the medical team flying into the room. They instantly went into action and she was ushered from the room. She could feel Cal's panicked eyes follow her into the hall before several nurses and Dr. Talbot blocked his view.

Sliding down the wall just outside his room, she covered her face with her hands.

_**(BREAK)**_

When she was allowed back in, he was out again. They'd dialed up his sedation in an attempt to keep him comfortable.

"Well, here we are again." Gillian sat next to him, automatically reaching out to touch him. She needed to feel his warmth. "You really need to stop doing this to me." She brushed impatiently at her tears with the heel of her hand.

"Gillian?"

Startled, she turned to find Ben standing in the doorway. She stared blankly for a moment before dimly remembering that Andrew had called him. "Ben."

Frowning, he took in the dark shading under her eyes, the pale countenance, the woman's obvious exhaustion and the blood spattered clothing. She'd gone to hell and back again and his heart ached for her. "How's he doing?"

Biting her lip, she shifted her eyes from him. "Alive."

"He's tough." He kept his voice level.

_You have no idea. _She just nodded in acknowledgment.

He stared at her, worried what would happen if Lightman died. Gillian and Cal were opposite sides to the same coin, their lives inexplicably woven together. She was such a strong person but was she strong enough to handle that kind of loss?

"Listen, I took the liberty of reserving an extra room at the Holiday Inn down the street. You _have_ to get some rest."

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not."

"That's not for you to say."

Ben heaved a sigh, his expression dubious even as frustration at her stubbornness leaked in.

"There is one thing you could do for me."

"If I can."

"I need a cell phone and my suitcase from the Cordova place."


	11. Chapter 11

_**Wow. Loads of hits but only a couple of reviews these last two chapters. Did I take a wrong turn with this one? Not to say I'm begging for comments or anything…. well, maybe just a little. ;-) (Thank you to those who did take a moment to review!)**_

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><p>She was starting to feel at least a little bit human again. The blood soaked clothing had found their way into the nearby HAZMAT bin and she'd been able to give herself a sponge bath in one of the hospital restrooms. She'd love a shower but could wait until Cal was moved to a regular room and then borrow his. <em>When<em> he was moved to a regular room. _Not if_.

Ben had given up trying to convince her to take a hotel room. She had no intention of going _anywhere_. He did stop by or call her with updates to the fiasco at the Cordova estate. 23 people had been arrested, including the old man himself. Not too surprisingly, considering his behavior, he'd suffered a heart attack shortly after being taken into custody but was currently stable. Three men had been killed, and of course Cal had been critically wounded. The feds had everything they needed to hold onto those arrested but Gillian really wondered if the means justified the ends. The FBI no doubt thought so.

Gillian eyed herself in the mirror. Okay. Maybe she felt a tiny bit better but she looked like crap. The last several days seemed to have aged her. Tiny lines, once subdued, seemed much more pronounced. Darkness shadowed her eyes and her complexion was definitely a lost more pasty. Of course she was aware that a couple good night's sleep would make a huge difference, but sleep was currently a fleeting thing that wrapped her in a very scary place. She couldn't deal with it right now. She'd sleep when Cal was out of danger.

She'd been able to get a hold of Emily and Zoë. Naturally Em wanted to jump the first flight, but an important case kept Zoë in D.C. It was probably better. The girl shouldn't have to see her father in his current state. She had assured them both that she'd call immediately if something changed. She'd also checked in with the Lightman Group. Naturally, thanks to Ben, they were aware of all that had occurred. Fortunately, there was nothing pressing that she needed to get back to at the moment. Gillian was immensely grateful for the awesome staff they employed.

Pulling on jeans and a blue tunic, she slipped her feet into her flats before leaving the ladies room and heading back toward ICU.

Still asleep, Cal was now on his side, perhaps to take some pressure off the exit wound. His right arm was stretched out slightly, his fingers bending into a natural cup, while his other hand was buried under the pillow beneath his cheek. He _had _to have maneuvered himself into that position. A flutter of hope settled into her chest.

"Hello Dr. Foster." The young nurse greeted her quietly as she entered the room to check Cal's vitals. _Jodi._ That's right. She'd met her before.

Gillian nodded with a brief but tired smile.

"He's still holding his own." Making a couple of notations in the chart, Jodi looked up and met the other woman's eyes. "I think Dr. Talbot is leaning toward cautious optimism at this point. You didn't hear it from me though."

"Of course." The hope inside bloomed just a tiny bit more, but she kept it behind a carefully neutral mask. "Thank you."

As she was leaving, the young woman turned once again. "You know how some of the staff are referring to Dr. Lightman?"

"What do you mean?" She was immediately a little suspicious. He'd have to be conscious for an extended period of time to be dubbed with his usual moniker, which was often just 'pain in the ass.'

"Considering his condition when he arrived here, they call him '_milagro_.'"

Gillian blinked at her. _Milagro_. _They think his survival is a miracle_? The doctor had gone into a lot of detail about the damage but truthfully she'd only been coherent enough to absorb just a minimal amount. Most of her information had been based upon her facial readings of him. With a start she realized she'd done something that Cal was notorious for. Not paying attention to the words.

"He must have something very important to live for." Jodi gave her a pointed look before moving out of the room. "I'll be by to check on him a bit later, but Dr. Talbot will also be in shortly.

"Thank you."

Gill gazed at his sleeping form before dropping down into her seat. "Well Cal, it seems like you're the center of attention _again_. And you're not even _trying_ this time."

"WhudIdonow?"

Startled, she hadn't realized that he was awake. It took her hazy brain a moment to decipher his narcotics induced slur. "Nothing. At least nothing intentional."

He grunted, his eyes opening, but just barely. "Youlooooktiiired."

"I'm okay."

"Liiiaarrr."

"Do you think you're in any shape to make that kind of assumption?"

"Mmhm." His eyes slid shut and she thought he'd gone back to sleep. As much as she liked to see him awake, even barely, the scene yesterday scared the hell out of her. One wrong move and the agony he experienced sent all his vitals into a frenzy.

"WhencaanIgetouttaheeere?"

Reaching forward, Gillian ever so gently wrapped her fingers around his. She felt a slight pressure from him in return, otherwise he made no movement. "Might be a bit. You're still in ICU."

One side of his lip curled in annoyance. "Shhiitt."

"Dr. Talbot is supposed to be in shortly to check on you."

"…"

"Why would you say that?"

He seemed to puzzle on it for a moment before a slight frown formed around his eyes. "Duuunnnnoo."

It was more or less true. They hadn't expected him to survive. He'd probably just absorbed the general atmosphere from his near misses. There was no telling what people were actually aware of in those situations.

"Dr. Lightman." Talbot entered the room, a little bit of awe flashing across his face before it disappeared. "I'm glad to see you're awake. How's your pain?"

"Fraaiidddtomoove."

He nodded with understanding. "I do have to check your surgical sites though. We propped you on your side purposely to try to make things a little easier for you."

"Aaannddforryouuu…"

"True enough."

"I can just step out for a moment…" Gillian gently untangled her hand from his and got up to leave but Cal's low voice stilled her.

"S'ookkaaayyy luuvvv… dooonngooo…"

She sat back down, slightly uncomfortable but unable to resist his quiet plea.

The doctor walked to the opposite side of the bed to check the exit wound. Gill heard the sound of peeling medical tape before the man made a satisfied little grunt and replaced the bandage. Cal remained still, his eyes closed, apparently unbothered by the doctor's softly probing fingers. His meds appeared to be holding well. "Looks good," Talbot commented, mostly to himself. He moved around the front and gently moved Cal's hospital gown aside, but left the sheet strategically placed to preserve modesty. Gillian wasn't going to look but she couldn't help herself when he peeled the bandage back. A low gasp escaped as her eyes rounded. The bullet wound itself was large and ragged but sewn together tightly. Additional incisions spread out from either side like wings. It was almost Frankenstein monster-esque.

"Thhhaatttbaaddd…?" Cal cracked his eyes open at her reaction.

No wonder they hadn't expected him to live. In this day and age of laparascopic surgeries, and tiny incisions, the fact that they'd had to gut him like a fish to repair the damage from Lucas' bullet gave a clear indication of how close she'd been to losing him. Gillian managed to push back a sob but tears burned in her eyes regardless.

"Um, it's bigger than I thought."

"Whhyyythaannkkyoouuu…"

Gillian felt her jaw drop incredulously. After everything, after all he'd been through, even in his brain's drug tripping state; he was determined to make light and flirt with her. _Trying to make _her _feel better_.

Talbot cleared his throat, a tiny smile at the corner of his mouth. "Looks good, Dr. Lightman. We're going to need to keep you here in ICU for at least the next several days. You had an extremely close call and we want to make sure that nothing goes wrong with your recovery." He reaffixed the bandage and pulled the thin gown back over the site before readjusting the sheet. "I'll be back later this evening, just before my shift ends, to check on you." With a nod to Gillian, he swept out of the room.

She took his hand once again. "I can't believe you said that in front of him!"

A little smirk tugged at his mouth. "Suuurrreeeyoouucannn…"

On impulse, she reached out and touched his face before smoothing his hair back from his brow, her gaze loving.

He sighed at her touch a moment before his breathing became soft and regular in sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Phew! What a relief. Glad everyone is still with me! Thank you all for the feedback. Did I mention that I tend to be insecure? ;-)**_

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><p>Gillian watched over him for the next couple of hours while he slept. Once or twice he would grimace in discomfort but moments later the facial muscles would relax. Whatever they were pumping into him via IV was working wonders.<p>

Her thoughts drifted to earlier in the week. It was only six days ago when they were leaving the office together, joking and flirting until they'd reached her car. Shortly thereafter the atmosphere had shifted, thickened. He had looked at her with such longing and she was fairly certain she'd returned it. Maybe it was just a weak moment, but she'd been tempted to go home with him. And then it all went to hell. Her memories were a little hazy but she remembered the sharp sting of a dart and the feeling of her body betraying her. Before she blacked out, she also remembered Cal holding onto her fiercely and the rumble of his anger as he growled at someone and shoved them away. Then there nothing. He'd tried to protect her to the best of his abilities throughout the whole ordeal and she loved him for it. But was she 'in love' with him? Some days she thought she was, without a doubt. Other days some of his antics made her hate him. No, that wasn't true. She could never hate him, although there were times when she could happily punch him in the side of the head without guilt.

Cal made a little noise in the back of his throat as his brows pulled together. She reached out and laid a hand on his arm and he immediately stilled. As she kept her eyes on him she wondered why she was fooling herself. Why the inner debate? She _knew_ she was in love with him but she also knew it could end badly if she wasn't careful. _Could they even have a relationship without killing one another?_ Things often came close to blows as it was without throwing sex into the mix. But then again, that moment in the garage made it almost seem possible. But that's how it was with him. A constant sense of riding a see saw.

"Whudarrreyoouuthinkinn…?" His bleary eyes were on her once again.

_If she answered truthfully, would he even remember? _

"Mind's just drifting."

Suspicion crept onto his face but he seemed to forget about it instantaneously. "TalkktoooEmmillyy?"

"Of course. She had a right to know."

"Okkkayy?"

"Worried. Wanted to fly right out. I told her I'd keep her up to date."

"Betterrrsheeestayyawayy."

Gillian frowned at him. "Why is that?" As she waited she saw a tiny flicker of fear.

"Juusssinncase…"

A coldness swept into her. "No Cal. There is no 'just in case'!" She felt herself get angry. It was easier to do that or she'd lose it again. She didn't want to do that. She needed to stay strong for him.

His eyes closed for a moment. Opened them again. The fear was a lot more pronounced now. "DonnfeelllwelllGilll."

Leaning forward, she took his hand, gave it a squeeze and managed a smile. "You can't be surprised. You have two extra holes in your body that aren't supposed to be there."

He stared at her and didn't even try to smile. "You'llltelllEmmily I lovvveherr riigghhtt?"

The anger began to simmer again. "No. You can tell her that yourself in a couple of weeks." Gillian found herself trembling as tears once again welled up. _God, she was always crying._ "Seriously Cal. Enough of this."

He was quiet, his eyes still unfocused.

"Do you hear me?"

"Lovvve youuutooo darrllinnn…" His eyes sharpened for just a moment as he fought his painkillers enough to make his point. "Allllwaaysss haavvve."

Now he was officially scaring the hell out of her. As if that hadn't happened enough this week. She was on her feet and bending over him, her hands cupping his cheeks, her faces inches from his. "Please Cal. Enough. You are one of the strongest people I've ever met and I won't hear this defeatist talk from you."

"Diiddnnn't sayanyythinnn defffeatttisttt. Jusss beeeinn' honnnesstt."

"You'll forgive me if I don't believe you because it sounds suspiciously like something else and I won't let you." The tears were now falling. She made no move to wipe them away.

Cal watched her tears, fascinated, feelings his own threaten. But they didn't come. He was too damned tired. "Jusss alitttllle sccarrreddd."

"I understand but you're healing. The staff is becoming optimistic. Some of them refer to you as 'milagro,' so you can't give up now." She sniffled. "You'd disappoint a hell of a lot of people."

"Howw 'bouuut youuu?"

"_Especially_ me."

"Whutttellsseissneew?"

"Are you kidding?" Gillian stared at him until she noticed the tiny little smile on his lips. Barely there but she could see it nonetheless. If he were an infant, someone would probably pass the expression off as gas. She couldn't help but grin at the thought.

"Whhuuttt?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Wonnn'tt remmmemmberrr."

"That's the point."

"Meeeaaannn."

The grin dropped from her face as she studied him. "I'm serious Cal. You're going to be okay."

"Prommmissse?"

"I promise." She leaned over those last few inches and kissed his temple. "And you know I keep my promises."

"Bettterrrr perrrsssonnn thannn meee."

"Duh!" She grinned again and kissed his cheek before moving away. Her fingers ran across his scruff before moving back to take his hand.

Disappointment flashed over him but couldn't last as fatigue began to settle in around the edges once again. "Drrrugggss alwaaaaysss havvvemeee slleeeppping'."

"I know. You know as well as I do that you'd never lie still otherwise."

Grunting, his eyes started to dip. "Thhhattbitt's probabbbblyy truuuue."

"Besides, you look so damned cute when you're sleeping."

"Hhhhuuhhh?"

"Nothing."

"You'rrrre messsinnn' witthhhme…"

"Would I do that?" Her smile was mischievous and she was beyond glad that she'd been able to pull him off his dark path, even if it _was_ momentarily. The feeling of helplessness did not lead to a healthy mental outlook, especially for someone like Cal.

"Nottttniiicce."

"Go to sleep."

"Donnn't wannna…"

He was back to sleep a moment later.

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><p><em><strong>Spell check had been going bananas. Is everyone doing okay with narcotics infused Cal-speak? :-)<strong>_


	13. Chapter 13

_**canterlevi: Wow. Now I have him sounding like Voldemort in my head. Oh well. Having fun with it anyway. ;-) BTW, everyone: thanks for the feedback!**_

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><p>He had told her that he loved her.<p>

Of course he was probably seeing rainbows and munchkins too.

But she hadn't returned the sentiment. Hadn't even acknowledged it. He had said it in a state of wrapping up loose ends kind of way. She wasn't going to have it so she'd refused.

What if though? What if he had some kind of internal queue that told him he didn't have long? _Ridiculous_. Or was it? People in his condition died all the time. It was very easy for them to suddenly take a turn for the worst without provocation.

Warm water washed over her but did little to dispel her tension. A nurse had taken pity on her and allowed access to an empty hospital room for a shower. She thought it would make her feel better but it didn't. The more she contemplated Cal's would be goodbye, the tighter the knot in her stomach curled and the stronger the compulsion to return to his side became. It pulled tighter and tighter until she could barely breath. Without another thought, she turned the shower off and dried off quickly. Pausing only to run a comb through her wet hair, she was dressed and heading back to ICU.

Talbot was leaving the room when she arrived. A little pucker of worry settled between his eyes before he looked up and saw Gillian.

"Is something wrong?" Her voice was sharper than she'd intended.

"Fever's a little higher than I'd like to see. Not uncommon though. Changing his antibiotics just to be cautious." He gave her a reassuring smile.

Gillian didn't feel reassured. "Infection?"

"No, but like I said, I'm just being cautious."

"I'm sorry." She softened, guilt nipping at her. The doctor wasn't responsible for this situation. "I didn't mean to sound so snappy."

"It's fine." His brown eyes were warm. "Been a rough couple of days."

_You don't know the half of it._ She just wanted this nightmare to be over. She wanted to be back in the congestion of D.C. (oddly enough). She wanted Cal to be whole, back to normal and driving her batshit. She wanted to get beyond this constant state of dread that had, unbeknownst to her, become like a second skin.

All she could do was nod.

Gillian stepped into room 7 to find that Cal was now laying on his other side, facing the window. She quietly moved her chair around so she could sit and see his face.

His eyes were open, blinking slowly at her. "Heyyy luuuvvvv. Youuu'rrewettt."

Self consciously, she ran a hand through her hair. It would fall into place when it was dry, the current cut being easy to maintain. "Was finally able to grab a shower."

His eyebrows quirked upwards ever so slightly. "AyyyeeeAyyyee."

The eye roll came automatically, as did the smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Borreddd."

"When do you have time to be bored? You're hardly ever awake."

"Borrrinngggdreeaamss," Cal gave a weak smirk. "Mayybee seeinnngg a wetttyouuu willllfixxxthattt."

Gaping at him, she gave a slight shake of the head. "Don't you think about anything else?"

"UhhUhh."

Well, at least he wasn't despairing at the moment. She'd rather have slightly perverted Cal than talking about last will and testament Cal.

"Annnyyynewwwss?"

"About what?"

"Annyyythin'."

"Dominic Cordova is in custody. Looks like the feds have a solid case."

"Wouuullddhopesooo."

"Ben also told me there are ties to some of the bodies they found outside of Albuquerque a few years back."

Gillian was quiet, her gut saying that they both probably would have joined the ranks out in the desert. The thought left her hollow.

With some effort, he reached out and touched her arm. "S'ovvverrr."

It wouldn't be over until Cal was out of the hospital and even then she worried that they'd be called upon to testify. Ben said it was a possibility. She hoped to hell it wouldn't be necessary though.

She took his hand and cradled it in her own. "I know. We just need to get you out of her already."

"Sorrryyybouttt earlllierr."

"What do you mean?"

"Diddnnn'tt meeeanto uppppsettttyouuu."

"I just don't expect that kind of talk from you. It's not your style to give up and that's exactly what it sounded like."

"Youuu'rrre riighttt."

"Excuse me? Did you just say I was right?" Her eyes began to tease.

He gave her hand a light squeeze and brushed his thumb against her skin. "I'llllldeny ittt."

"Naturally."

"Doooomeeeafavvvorrr?"

"Of course. If I can." She automatically added an addendum. "As long as it doesn't involve smuggling you in porn or something."

Cal gave her a half grin and she almost choked up to see it. "Meeaannwoommann…" He squeezed her hand again. "Actuuuaallly, I wannntttyouu togoooannnddd gettttsommme proppperrrest…"

Sitting up straight, she almost pulled her hand from his. "No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Nottttdoinnn' yourrrrselllfff annnygoood."

"Is this your not so subtle way of telling me I look like shit?"

He stared at her, his eyes intense as his brain fog momentarily lifted. "Immposssibbllle. Allllwaayss looookbeauuuutifulll. Jusssttworrrriiedd boutttyouuu."

"I'm not the one laying in a hospital bed."

"Wanntttoo keeepppitttthat wayyyy."

She knew he was right. She was beyond exhausted and her reality had entered a muddy dream-like state. But she just couldn't do it, feeling that the moment she left, he would crash and she wouldn't be there to catch him.

"Darrlinn, youuuhavvvetoooo thinnkk 'bouutt yourrrselllf."

Starting to shake her head, Gillian felt tears start to fall. "No, I need to stay here."

"Donnn'ttt maaakemeeehavvvve themmmkickkkyooouuoutt."

"What? You wouldn't do that…"

His eyes told her he was deadly serious and she wasn't sure how to respond to it. Confusion and pain gripped her insides as she slowly got to her feet, trembling. "You want me to go?"

Cal nodded slowly, eyes dipping again before shifting back to her face. He could see her hurt but even in his addled state, he could also see she was close to collapsing. "Commmebacckkk tooomeee tommorrrowww whennnyouuu've sllleppt."

Steeped in denial, she impatiently brushed at her tears before slowly turning away and taking a hesitant step toward the door.

"LovvveyouuGilliannn."

At that moment, she knew that he was being completely truthful with her. He desperately wanted her there with him but he loved her enough to put himself second. She could hear it in his voice. The drugs had stripped away any inclination to hide behind falsehoods. Her tears now fell unimpaired as she turned back to him. Without a word, she leaned down and brushed his lips with hers. "Good night Cal. I'll see you in the morning."

He gave a huge loopy grin that made his eyes sparkle beyond the narcotics. "Gooodnigghhttt luvvv."

Still fearful, she ran her fingers across his cheek, knowing that he would, without a doubt, follow through on his threat to have her ousted.

"AnndddGilll?"

"Hmmm?"

"Surrreyouuuwonnn'ttt reconnnsiderrr abbouutthe porrrrn?"


	14. Chapter 14

Gillian slept deeply and dreamless for close to seven hours before awakening and feeling close to human again.

Grabbing a muffin from the hotel's continental breakfast selection, she called a cab and arrived back at the hospital shortly before nine. On a whim, she poked in the gift shop and lucked out to find a book by one of Cal's favorite authors, one that had a gift for blending the disgusting and humorous seamlessly. She thought he'd get a kick out of it. It wasn't like he'd be able to focus to read but she thought she could read aloud to help pass some of the time when he was awake. Making her small purchase, she headed up to the fourth floor.

The doors to the ICU swished open and she took a right, toward room 7, stopping short when she found the room empty. Much of the equipment had been removed. What remained had been pushed flush against the walls and the bed had been stripped clean. _What the hell? Had he been upgraded and moved out of Intensive Care?_ Whirling around with intentions of seeking out one of the nurses, she ran directly into Dr. Talbot.

"Where's Dr. Lightman?"

The man looked somber, sympathy settling into his ruddy complexion. "I'm sorry. We tried to contact you."

On numb legs, her first inclination was to back away. "What…are…you…talking about…?" Her words were slow and stilted, not wanting to hear the answer to her own question.

"Dr. Lightman passed during the night. He went into cardiac arrest shortly after four this morning." He took a step toward her, hand out to steady her, but she continued to back away, shaking her head in disbelief.

A vortex was swirling around her, slowly and steadily pulling her down. _This was _not_ happening._

"Dr. Foster? Please. Let's get you a seat before you fall."

Gillian stayed just out of his grasp, her brain refusing to comprehend what he was telling her.

"If you want I can have someone take you to see him."

_What? See his body in some kind of metal drawer downstairs? The idea chilled her, made her feel physically ill, but she had to know for sure. But no. Not now. Just not now. Oh my God. Her legs were shaking so badly. _Cal_. How was she going to tell Emily?_

Talbot took another step toward her and managed to take hold of her forearm. "I'm so sorry. I think you need to sit down."

The vortex pulled harder, the only thing keeping her upright was Talbot's firm hand. Her eyes fell to it as the grip became tighter, almost painful. Startled, she watched as his hand became meatier, the slim wedding band disappearing. Confusion overtook her as she looked up into a face that lost years, became much younger, wider. Warm brown eyes shifted into ice.

Lucas' face peered down at her as his lips pulled back from his teeth. _"Let's go see him together so I can blow another hole in that son of a bitch."_

Gillian sat straight up in bed, terror stealing her scream, heart thumping wildly, pajamas clinging to her. Looking around in panic, her eyes fell to the soft glow of the alarm clock. 4:02.

She could hear her own harsh rasps in the darkness. When she felt certain she'd recovered her voice she picked up the phone and called the hospital to connect with ICU. A moment later, she was assured that Cal was sleeping peacefully and had been throughout most of the night.

Gill gave them a quiet 'thank you' before disconnecting and stared down at her hands. They blurred and soon disappeared in a flood of tears as great wracking sobs burst from her. She cried with an intensity she hadn't experienced since childhood. All the pent up anxiety and horror of the last week came out in an explosive release that left her shaking and drained ten minutes later.

Curling up into a tight ball, she finally managed to fall back into a truly dreamless sleep.

_**(BREAK)**_

Stopping in the hospital gift shop, Gillian picked out a book from one of Cal's favorite authors before heading upstairs. She thought about getting him a balloon specifically to annoy him but thought better of it. She'd wait on that.

Just before she stepped into the elevator, she paused and studied the book in her hand feeling a profound sense of deju vu. _Okay. Now, she was just being silly. _Not only did she speak with one of the nurses in the wee hours, she also spoke with Dr. Talbot before she called a cab. Things were beginning to look better. Cal wasn't out of the woods yet, so to speak, but if he continued improving at his current rate, he should be out of ICU by the end of the week.

"Heyy luvv." Cal gave her a genuine, unguarded smile when she entered the room before his eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Evverythinn' ookkay?"

"You sound a lot less drunk today."

"I soundded drrrunk?"

She hoped that he didn't notice her little deflection. "Yeah, completely blasted. Now you just sound buzzed."

"Hmmm…was I a funn drrrunk atleasst?"

"Intermittently."

"Oh." His eyes dropped for just a moment before rising back up to hers. "Youu looked alitttle sccared whennn youu came in." A simple statement. Not even a question.

_Damnit._

He watched her expectantly. Still dopey but not enough to deter him. They must have lowered his dosage.

Pulling the chair close to his bed, she dropped herself down. "Brought you something." Gill waved the book at him.

Cal gave a little nod of thanks but continued to watch her face. "Youu got a littlle sleep at least?"

"A little."

"Nighhttmarres?"

"Yeah."

"Nottt too surrprisinng."

"You too?"

"Not reallly. Too many drrugss I thinnk." His smile returned. "I doo reememberr a dream wherrre thiss beautifulll woman kisssed meee thoughh."

Gillian gave him a sideways look but managed not to smile. "Oh really? One of your many conquests?"

"Nope. Sommeone much more imporrrtant. I think itt may evvvenn have helpeddd with the heallling proccesss."

"Dr. Lightman, are you attempting to run a hustle on me?"

"I amm shocked annnd appalled that youuu would evvvenn suggest such a thinnng."

Without another thought, she leaned forward, cupping his face in one hand before lightly kissing him and pulling away. "Was it something like that?"

"Huh. Not surrre. I mighttt neeed anotherrr for furtherrr speculationnn."

"You're incorrigible."

"You'rrre just nowww figurin' that ouuut?"

This time she did smile.

"Youu want to tallkk abouutt your nightmare?"

The smile fell away. It had been _so_ real. She really didn't want to relive it. Just thinking about it made her insides twist sickeningly.

"Donn't have to." Cal reached out to touch her hand but she wasn't quite close enough. Something pulled inside his belly and he instinctively curled back into himself, his face contorting in pain.

"Cal?" Alarmed, Gillian rose.

"S'okay darrlinn'. Forgettt I donn't have a full range of motionnn yet. Suckkks."

"Should I get someone?" Concern and fear had etched their way back into her face.

He shook his head slightly. "Be okkayy." Blinking up at her, his fatigue was obvious. "Tired."

Nodding, she slowly sat back down. "Get some rest Cal. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okayy. Thannk youu luvv."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Was that mean? Or did you see it coming? Oh, how I love my petty torments! Just kidding. Truthfully, with all the stress she's under, I think Gillian's nightmares are to be expected, don't you?<em>**


	15. Chapter 15

After he'd drifted off, Gillian slipped out to make a couple of calls. She wanted to call Emily but the girl would still be in school so she made a mental note to try later in the afternoon. She contented herself with checking in with the Lightman Group instead. Apparently there was a biggie coming up on the horizon and she'd need to get back to D.C. soon if they weren't to lose the account. Loker and Torres were doing what they could, but the would be client wasn't satisfied, which of course left Gillian in a bit of a bind. Financially, they needed the business but she had no intention of leaving Cal. She took the number, figuring she'd call them directly and see if there was something that could be worked out. She didn't have high hopes in that regard but her choices were very limited at the moment.

Dominic Cordova had cost them in so many different ways. Anger rose like bile in the back of her throat at the thought of the old man. The therapist side of her recognized the early stages of dementia in him but the personal side wanted him to pay dearly for what he'd done.

On a whim, she called Ben to see if there was any new news. He'd already returned to D.C., knowing that his role in the Cordova case was indirect at best and, at the moment, there wasn't anything he could do for Lightman or Foster except offer support. As she suspected, Cordova's lawyer was plea-bargaining because of the old man's decreased mental ability. Despite this, he'd still spend the rest of his life behind high walls, just not his own. It wasn't perfect but it would have to do.

Deciding to get it over with, she called the impending client and explained the situation. She did her best to assure him that the Lightman Group staff would be more than capable of dealing with his concerns. Their training was exemplary, as were their instincts but it didn't matter. Although he sympathized with Cal's situation, the case was dubbed "too important" to be left to "kids" and he'd have no choice but to go to elsewhere. Gillian let it go. There wasn't much more she could do.

She wandered back to his room feeling everything weighing down on her. It could easily take a couple of months for Cal to recovery completely. They had a reserve but it wasn't all that much. It was very possible that the business they'd built together could come crashing down around them because of this. Of course these worries coincided with the swirl of confusion regarding her feelings for him. They'd been buried and dormant for so long that she wasn't quite sure how to handle their new persistance.

Fortunately, he was still asleep when she got back. She'd promised him she'd be there when he awakened.

The new antibiotics were doing their job and Cal's fever remained low grade, instead of spiking as it had done yesterday. They'd also adjusted his pain meds and the difference was becoming quite apparent. He was definitely more lucid but his elevated discomfort made her cringe, especially knowing that his pain tolerance was normally pretty high. She thought of the Frankenstein-esque stitching along his stomach and side and physically shuddered.

"Youu're worrying tooo mucchh." Cal was looking up at her again, eyes concerned.

"I know. It's hard not to."

"Hasss somthinnn' happened?"

"You mean other than us being drugged, kidnapped and you shot?"

"Yeahhh, bessiddes that."

"Don't you think that's more than enough for now?"

"Youu arre deflectinn' again darrlinn'."

He watched her carefully. Not being on his game, he was relying more on his senses than his science. And his senses told him she was stuck in the middle of an intense emotional shit storm. "Plleasse tallkk to meee. If it makes youuu feeelll annny better, I probably won'ttt rememmmber it anyway."

Gillian wasn't sure if that was completely true anymore but she definitely knew she wasn't ready for this conversation. If he knew what was on her mind, she was damned sure he wouldn't be ready for this conversation either.

"Just feeling overwhelmed and angry. We were a means to an end for Cordova. Tools. That's it. And then there's the FBI. Jesus, Cal, if they had moved earlier, you most likely wouldn't be in the hospital right now. But no, that wasn't part of the agenda. It's just…" She sighed, fidgeting, pent up. "I…don't know what to do with all this anger."

Usually he was the source of her displeasure and since that wasn't the case this time, at least not directly, he wasn't really sure what to say.

"I'm sorry Cal. You wound up with the raw end of the deal and here I am griping."

"Donn'tt be sorrryy. Youu have everrry righhht to be pissssed offff. Annd thennn you feeell obligatttedd to stayyy herrre with mee."

With a frown, she scooted her chair closer to his bedside, reaching out and gently squeezing his forearm. "Obligation has nothing to do with it. I am here because I can't even _imagine_ being somewhere else."

He digested her words, attempting to wrap his fuzzy brain around their precise meaning, but failing miserably. It almost sounded…well… no…that couldn't be. She was his best friend, right? Of course she cared, but…it seemed like she was trying to say something else. But Gillian was normally pretty direct…except with her emotions. Or rather the reasons behind them. She tended to skirt around those. What about that kiss? The one they'd shared at the Cordova estate had been pretty intense, but they'd been scared for their lives. But still, is that a normal response? Ah, hell, his head was starting to swim. Fucking drugs.

"I thinnkk therrre's sommethinn' elssse goinn' on butt I feeelll likkke I'mmm at a disssadvantagge herrre."

She appeared startled but only for a moment before tucking it away. "What do you mean?"

"Youuu know preeciselllyy whhut I meeaan."

"You are drugged to the gills. What do you _think_ you could _possibly_ be seeing?" Her tone was almost cruel and she instantly regretted it. Even more so when she saw the hurt that he currently had no ability to hide. Squeezing her eyes shut, she pinched the bridge of her nose for just a moment. She could feel the beginnings of a headache on the horizon. "I'm sorry Cal. I didn't mean to…"

"S'alllrightt luvvv. Havvve a lottt on youurr plate."

When she opened her eyes again, his were closed. God, what's the matter with her? How many times had she almost lost him within the last few days? And now she's acting like he's dancing on her last raw nerve.

"Shit."

"Languuage Fosssterr."

Gillian laughed despite herself. It was a little higher than usual. "Hypocrite Lightman."

His chuckle was low and pleasant. "I'mmm gllladd youu'rre herrre eevven iff youu are mean."

Running her hand down his arm, she gently tangled her fingers in his. "So am I. And I'll try to be a little less mean."

"Therrre isss a wayyy youuu can make itt uppp to meee."

Tilting her head, a smirk flickered at the side of her mouth as he raised one brow innocently. "Youuu always expeccct the worrrsst from meee."

"Because I know you too well." She leaned forward and kissed him. It was meant to be quick, but his fingers tightened around hers and their lips stayed sweetly connected for several moments before she moved away.

"A fewww morrre like thaatt and I'lll be heallled in no timme."

"You are so full of it."

Blinking heavily, he gave her a slow grin.


	16. Chapter 16

Cal had been released from ICU three days earlier and with it came less drugs, more pain, more frustration and more aggravation. He was sick of the mollycoddling and intended to check himself out but was now awkwardly perched on the side of the bed, hanging on for dear life. He couldn't get to his feet, but he couldn't lie back down either. Gill had gone to the cafeteria and he didn't want to use the call button because Amelia, the head nurse, was evil. So he was stuck, sweating and swearing under his breath.

He was going to get yelled at. That was a given. But he'd hoped it would be en route to the elevator or in the taxi to the airport, not sitting on the edge of the bed while he panted and hung on desperately to keep from smacking his face on the tile. _Ah, hell_.

"Dr. Lightman?"

Looking up, he squinted at the visitor in the doorway before his jaw clenched tighter. "Andrew."

"I heard …are you sure you should be doing that?" He quickly changed direction, frowning at the pale and shaking man before him. "Let me give you …" Taking a step forward, he held a hand out to him.

"You might want to rethink that son." Cal's voice was soft but it threatened the return of a stump if Andrew touched him.

The young man let the offer of assistance drop, his face tightening. "Look, I'd just heard that you were recovering-"

"Does this look like I'm recovering? Oh yeah, maybe it does compared to the fact that I was almost dead a little over a week and a half ago."

"What happened was not my fault. I was under strict orders…"

"Don't give a crap about your orders." Cal's voice was gravelly, tired and he was still trying to figure out how to get back into bed before someone else saw him.

"I went looking for you and Dr. Foster but was too late. All I could do was take Lucas out before he could finish the job. I regret that you were hurt. I really do."

Tilting his head, Cal gave him a long look. "You killed Lucas." He had no memory of it.

"Yes."

"Well then, I guess I owe you one for that at least."

"What's this?" Gillian sounded less than pleased as she stepped back into the room. "Cal! What do you think you're doing?" She ignored the other man and made a beeline for her friend.

Andrew took a step away from Gill and despite his current predicament, Cal noticed. He wondered what he'd missed.

"Well, I'll take my leave." Andrew took another step back and nodded to Cal. "Dr. Lightman. Dr. Foster."

Gillian didn't acknowledge him, her face set in a grim visage.

Still gripping the edge of the bed, Cal met his eye. "Andrew."

With that, the young man turned heel and left. Cal could hear his retreating footsteps. He could feel his anger temper with empathy. _Must be getting soft in my old age._

"What did you do to that kid?"

"Punched him."

His eyebrows rose before another grimace crinkled his features as she guided him back into the hospital bed. Darkness tunneled around him while his stomach rolled with nausea. Taking a deep breath, he could feel new sweat bead on his forehead.

"Cal? You okay?" Her voice was soft and he could feel her cool hand against his cheek. The mattress shifted slightly as she sat on the edge.

"Yeah, luv." He still felt a little like he was in a tunnel but at least there was a light at the end. Hopefully it wasn't a train.

"Should I-?"

"Please don't. Wait until Amelia's off duty at least."

"Seriously Cal? You won't request something to help with your discomfort because you're scared of the nurse?"

"Not scared…"

"Sure."

"The woman would be more than happy to hang me by my short and curlies."

"Cal!" Gillian crunched up her face in disgust, managing to hide her amusement.

"What's this about you punching that kid?"

"You're changing the subject."

"Your point?" He opened his eyes and looked into her concerned blue ones. "You couldn't possibly think I'd leave _that_ little comment alone."

Gillian let out a wavering sigh. "I was very upset."

"Apparently so." His tone gentled, sensing a slight change in her demeanor. From his recollection, she'd been amazingly strong throughout this whole ordeal and he couldn't help but wonder what it was doing to her on a subconscious level. Now that he was a lot more coherent, his worry for her was steadily escalating.

"You died in the helicopter but they were able to bring you back around."

Cal hadn't known about that. He continued to watch her, blinking away the tunnel that had moments before pushed in around him.

"They finally get you here and it's written all over their faces. Even though you were hanging in there, they still thought you were going to die." Her eyes began to sting as her tears threatened. She held them back. "And here he comes walking in, like he was playing the martyr. All apologies. I couldn't help it. I snapped."

He pondered the image and decided that he liked it. _That's my girl._

"And then they lost you again. On the operating table." Gillian's voice now shook and she was staring beyond him, into the recent past. He watched her torment as realization began to pool in his belly. "He didn't say it. But I could read him. He's easy to read. Talbot. All of them. The entire staff watched me. There was so much sympathy. None of them thought you were going to live."

Carefully, he reached out and took her hand. She didn't seem to notice.

"They don't know you like I do though."

"No they don't luv." He acknowledged in a whisper, wishing he could look through her eyes even if it was just for a moment.

"Well, Dr. Lightman, let's check your vitals and see where we're at." The large voice had them both jumping. Gillian startled out of her almost trance-like state and Cal flashed annoyance and pain concurrently.

Amelia came around the other side of the bed, frowning at the rumpled covers. "Have you been attempting a bit of a walkabout?"

Cal glared at the woman who just looked back, unimpressed. "Look, you pull that crap and you're just gonna set yourself back. It's no skin off my nose but I'm pretty darned sure your doctor will not be happy." She inserted the thermometer under Cal's tongue, taking his pulse at the same time.

"Why don't you just-" Cal spoke around the instrument as both nurse and Gillian hissed at him to shut up.

Narrowing his eyes, he held his tongue.

"Humph." Amelia glowered. "Temps a bit elevated. Pulse is a little fast. What's your pain like? 0-10?"

"Was okay 'til I saw your face."

Gillian shot him a look before settling her gaze on the old nurse. "He tried to get out of bed and almost passed out because of it."

"Humph." The woman looked down at him over half-moon glasses. "You sir, are your own worst enemy."

"Traitor." Cal muttered at Gillian, who just rolled her eyes.

"Let's get you a little something to take the edge off." The nurse was already heading for the door. He thought he saw her smirk. _Shit._

Gillian was finally opening up to him and that bat had to interrupt. He tried to bring it back around before the evil nurse could circle around with her dope filled syringe. "No one knows me like you do darlin'."

But the moment was done. She gave him a wry smile, squeezed his hand and moved off the bed.


	17. Chapter 17

It was so much easier to hide from him when he was giving her huge, beaming, glossy-eyed smiles. The searching looks were gone, at least for the moment. She knew they'd be back soon enough and wasn't sure how she'd deal with it when that happened.

Through all this, through the horrifying possibility of losing him, she knew where she stood. She knew it with every fiber of her being. She wanted to be with him. _In the_ _worst possible way_. But she didn't know if she could handle it. Handle him. Cal was always the proverbial wild card. That's what currently kept her quiet. As a result, she felt herself withdrawing from him and building a wall over the line. She couldn't be hurt if she stayed on her side of it. That was the theory at least.

Of course for each bit of brick and mortar that went up, he was tearing down two. Especially right now. In his pain killer induced lack of inhibitions, he was charming, flirty, sweet _and_ he couldn't keep his hands off her. They kept coming up to lightly touch her face, breeze across her shoulders, down her arms, cradle her hands. One dared to run down to her hip and around before she caught it with narrowed eyes and deposited the offended body part back on his chest. His grin quickly shifted to a pout when she retreated to the relative safety of her chair.

"You are _pushing_ your luck." Her voice was firm.

"Sorry darlin' …have I told you how beautiful you are?" He tilted his head before reaching out to try to touch her hair but couldn't quite reach her now. Hurt shadowed his eyes ever so briefly.

"Yes Cal. About six times."

"Oh." He tried to maneuver himself a little closer, stopped short at the pulling in his insides. The drugs were good but not that good. Curling up, he stilled, eyes closing.

"Okay Cal?" Gill watched him carefully. She'd been doing that constantly; always ready to intervene if he pushed himself too much.

"Cal?"

Her answer was a light snore for which she was thankful. Her body was starting to respond to his light touches more than what she cared to admit. He was clueless to how much power he held over her. And it kind of pissed her off. Her emotions and her intellect were currently at war and she wasn't sure where it would leave her once he was healed.

_**(BREAK)**_

When Cal opened his eyes, he remained quiet.

Gillian was still by his bedside, reading, and completely unaware of his scrutiny. She was tired. It was so evident in her coloring, lack of make up, hastily brushed hair and the way she held her shoulders. Every evening, she'd return to her hotel room but from what he could tell, sleep was definitely evasive. Earlier she'd started to open up to him and give him a glimpse of her inner turmoil but when they were rudely interrupted, he couldn't bring her back around. It was almost like her words had leaked out by accident. Of course when he was looped out on whatever Amelia had given him, it was like he was watching from a distance. He was acting like an idiot and couldn't do a damn thing about it. Not that he didn't enjoy touching her but it seemed amazingly inappropriate considering the circumstances. Cal felt shame burn against his face, along with a dark foreboding that threatened to turn him inside out. It was probably time for Gillian to go home. She couldn't continue to do this to herself.

"Hey." Her voice was soft when she noticed he was awake.

Frowning at him, she shut her book and put it aside. "You okay?"

"Yeah luv." As long as he didn't move. He just didn't want any more of that shit that the nurse had given him.

His face was serious, pained, but not currently in a physical way. She was startled by the sudden shift. Getting up, Gill carefully sat back on the edge of his bed. "What's going on Cal?"

Making no move to touch her, his eyes slid away. "You're beyond exhausted."

"So are you."

He grunted, still not looking at her. "What's going on with our business?"

"It's only been a couple of weeks that we've been gone." She responded lightly. The one lost account wouldn't make or break them. She was trying not to think too far ahead.

"And how long do they expect to keep me here?"

Talbot had been a little ambiguous regarding an answer to that question. He needed to be relatively mobile. A walker was a possibility, at least initially, but she hadn't brought that up to Cal. It wouldn't go over well. "They're not completely sure."

"Wonderful." The one word was bitter, dark and depressive. Gillian felt an immediate chill.

"You can't expect miracles. Things were…really…bad there for a bit."

"You know what I see Gill?"

"What's that?" She looked at him curiously but not without the familiar dread that seemed to accompany all her movements lately.

"For every day that I heal, I see you slowly start to unravel and I don't know…what…I…can do about it." Cal finally met her eyes, his anguished, hers surprised.

"I don't honestly know what you're talking about."

He let out a guttural sound of frustration. "It almost seems like as I'm healing, I'm sucking the strength from you. I see exhaustion and continuous worry, but I also see you struggling over something else and I can't quite figure it out and it's driving me insane."

A veil started to fall behind her eyes before she pulled it away. He was slowly figuring things out. The searching looks were back as she knew they would be. Gill thought she might just be too damned tired to play this game. "I guess I've had too much time to think." She gave a shallow smile. "Lots of time to think when your…best friend…is…" Stopping, she sucked in a heavy breath, trying desperately not to let her emotions take over.

Studying her intently, his eyes shifted back and forth between hers. "What Gill?" His voice became amazingly gentle. "What have you been thinking?"

She looked away from him, tears rimming her eyes as she fixated out his window, noticing the terra cotta colored buildings across the street against the vivid blue of the sky. She could like this city if it didn't hold such awful memories.

Patience had never been his best virtue but at this moment, it was unsurpassed. He waited quietly, eyes still affixed to her face.

"I've had a lot of time…to think about…you and me."

"You and me." He repeated it softly, but his heart had begun to accelerate.

"In the helicopter," Gillian tore her gaze from the window and settled it just beyond Cal's slightly tentative face. Her tears were now flowing free. "When your heart stopped, there was a moment…a moment when I was certain that I had died with you. My chest clenched up…and I could…not…breath."

Now he did touch her. His fingers entwined with hers and he wasn't even conscious of it.

"When they shocked your heart back to life…only then could I catch my breath."

"I'm so sorry Gillian."

Finally, she looked him in the eye. "I came to the realization that I can't imagine living without you. And that makes me feel vulnerable in a way that's hard to get used to. Do you know what I mean?"

_Absolutely_. All he could do was nod.

"I've loved you for years. You've been such a wonderful friend," she gave a little smirk, "Even when you're a jerk." The smirk dissolved. "What I've come to understand through all of this is how much you really mean to me." She spoke as if she were talking to herself.

He unconsciously held his breath, his heart beating even faster.

"This might make things a little complicated…but I've come to a bit of a realization. An epiphany maybe." Gillian smiled, almost sadly. "Not only do I love you, but…I'm…also… in love with you, Cal."


	18. Chapter 18

_**Sorry for the short chapter. Hopefully it's still enjoyable! **_

* * *

><p>Gillian dropped her gaze and got off the bed. Like a sleepwalker, she moved toward the window and stared out into the bright day, purposely keeping her back to him. Her shoulders shook slightly as he watched and he cursed his inability to jump to his feet and wrap his arms around her.<p>

He could only stare, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly. Was it really shock that washed over him? No. Not really. The real shock lay in the fact that she was able to admit her feelings to not only him, but to herself.

From the moment they'd met, he'd had a crush on her and as time progressed it deepened into a warm love and respect and now, well, the truth being what it was, he'd been in love with her for years. It was as natural for him as his own heartbeat. He never expected that it would be reciprocated though and his mind was reeling as a result. Gillian had always been his anchor, his touchstone but fantasies aside, he never thought it would or could go beyond that. Had he told her he loved her in one of his drug-induced lapses of the tongue? It was certainly possible. But had she taken him seriously? That seemed a bit more dubious.

Awkwardly, he struggled to pull himself into more of a sitting position, gritting his teeth and biting back a groan. One hand found the controls of the bed to help push him upright. The physical pull of pain in his belly and back had him sweating, but the emotional pull was stronger.

Gill still stood at the window. Her shoulders shaking harder, but she remained silent. Loving him was actually painful for her. Or was it the realization? The thought made him feel sick but at the same time he completely understood it.

"Darlin'." His voice was soft but raspy as his body attempted swift retribution. He just wished he could hide it better. "Don't make me get up and come over there. You know I will."

"Better not Cal." She stammered, hiccupping once between the words. Oddly enough, her tone still held a warning but she still wouldn't look at him.

Dots were peppering his vision but he kept himself upright, gripping on to the side railing. He wanted desperately to stand up and go to her but knew damn well he'd never get that far. "Gillian…I'm sorry that you're in so much pain. I know I'm not anywhere close to what you need. I'm sorry that you…feel…_trapped_." The last word came out in a whisper as her emotional turmoil overwhelmed him. _She loved him and she seemed to hate the fact._ Cal felt like he wanted to throw up.

"How can you possibly know what I'm feeling?"

"We both know I'm not even close to being good enough for you."

"You're making a lot of assumptions." Gillian still wouldn't turn.

"Am I?" His voice had grown weaker and although it pissed him off, he couldn't do anything about it. "Maybe I'm reading this all wrong, but it seems…" He started to waver, his knuckles white against the railing.

She finally looked at him, eyes red, face flushed. "_What are you doing_?"

Ignoring her, he pressed on. "It seems… that you're horrified by the idea of loving me." He couldn't help it, but his own emotional turmoil laced through the words and lashed out at her like a whip. Cal wasn't completely certain, but he thought he saw her recoil slightly and that made him feel all the more guilty.

They stared at one another for several moments trying desperately to find common ground to stand upon.

"Gill, I have no idea what I've been saying this last week or so, but keeping in mind that my meds have worn off, I'm going to say this and I hope you read it as truth. I love you. I've always loved you and I always will. The idea that you love me back makes my head spin but I don't want it to be at any sacrifice to yourself." His eyes shifted, became almost pleading. "And that's exactly what I see happening."

Without a word, she stepped close to readjust the bed into a flat position, taking immediate pressure off of his wounds. One hand stayed firm on his shoulder as she guided him backward. "You don't see _everything_ Cal."

"And what am I missing Gillian?"

"The fact that I do have a choice."

He felt confused, unfocused and couldn't see where she was coming from.

"Maybe I'm just tired of deceiving myself. Of course, I have to say that this whole situation has been one hell of a wake up call." She allowed a small smile and moved around to the other side of the bed to retake her seat at the edge. Her hand was on his once again.

He wanted to scream. Wanted to warn her, push her away, bring out the flairs, anything to keep her away but managed none of it. "I'm not an easy person to love."

"_That_ goes without saying."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't."

They gazed at one another for a moment before he reached out and trailed his fingers down her cheek. "I think I could go for some drugs now."

"Okay."


	19. Chapter 19

_**Had some trouble with this chapter but hopefully it's still up to par. Thanks for all the comments and reviews!**_

* * *

><p>Cal looked at the walker with suspicion and disdain. He felt like a decrepit old man and in order to keep depression from swallowing him whole, he honed the edge of his anger.<p>

"Well Dr. Lightman, grab hold and we'll support you on either side. It's not going to be easy." Amelia held tightly to his left bicep while Gillian stayed to his right, watching worriedly. Physically, he was doing very well considering the extent of his injuries but mentally she could see that his convalescence was taking its toll.

_No shit Sherlock_. Cal glared at his least favorite nurse before he started to pull himself up. Using all his upper body strength he managed stay upright but now Amelia was raising an eyebrow at him.

"You're going to have to put some weight on those legs you know."

Truthfully, he was fearful. They felt too much like playdoh to trust. But his arms were starting to shake with effort, sending painful vibrations through his slowly healing wounds. He tentatively allowed some weight to disperse to his lower limbs and when they held he shifted a bit more. That's when they folded. If the two women hadn't been holding on, he would have sifted right through the walker and puddled on the tile floor of the room. Cal sat on the edge of the bed, breathing hard, looking down.

"Believe it or not, that was good."

He didn't respond to the nurse's encouragement or to her gentle pat on his shoulder. Instead, his eyes focused on a tiny chip at the corner of one of the tiles beneath his feet as he felt his face flame.

"Doesn't seem like it but in a couple of days, you'll be an old pro."

The nurse met Gillian's eyes to see the other woman give a barely perceptible shake of her head. _Leave him be. Give him some space._

Amelia gave a little nod. "Okay, Dr. Lightman, we'll try this again in another hour or two. If there's anything you need, you know what to do." She gave her patient another look, not without compassion, before disappearing.

Cal continued to sit on the edge, while Gillian found her place next to him. She didn't touch him knowing that he might take such a motion as pity. Neither said a word for several long moments.

"Don't want to be an old pro Gillian." His words were soft, sad and broke her heart.

"I know."

They continued to sit quietly before she saw the shift. Perceived helplessness dissolved in the face of fierce determination. Reaching out, he grabbed the handles of the walker and began to pull himself up again.

Gillian was instantly on her feet, one hand a fraction of an inch from his arm. If he fell, she wasn't sure she could keep him from hitting the floor but the expression he currently wore was a familiar one and she was glad to see it.

"Should I get…?"

"No." He was on his feet, trembling with effort but managing not to fall. For an instant, he considered attempting a step but thought better of it and slowly lowered himself back to the bed.

She noted that he wasn't exactly pleased with himself but he did look resigned. It was his way of taking the driver's seat in a situation where he'd previously only been a passenger.

"Sooner I do this, sooner we go home, sooner we move on." He swiveled his head to her, his eyes suddenly intense. He'd placed a bit of emphasis on 'move on' and he was looking for some kind of reaction.

They hadn't revisited their conversation from earlier but it was never far from his mind. It seemed to him like they were doing a hell of a lot of dancing around the elephant in the room.

Gillian sat down next to him, her thigh brushing against his. Her response was thoughtful as she automatically went to grasp her hand in his. "I think I'm definitely ready to move on." His eyes hadn't left her face and she now brought hers up to meet them. "Let's get you back into bed."

"Don't have to tell me twice darlin'."

"Funny, Cal."

_**(BREAK)**_

They landed at Dulles International airport a full month after Dominic Cordova's men had unceremoniously plucked them from the parking garage of their business. The relief both felt was profound as they made their way through the terminal and out to the curb to grab a cab. Cal was moving slowly and Gillian unconsciously kept a hand at his back. He was still recovering and it would take some time before he was fully 100%.

The ride to his house was oddly quiet as each reflected on all that had occurred, wondering what the future might bring for their company _and_ for them.

"Come inside for a minute?" A hopeful spark lit his eyes.

Gillian's inner debate was over before it started. She really wanted to get home, wanted to sleep in her own bed but at the same time, she was reluctant to leave him. "Sure."

He took her hand as they walked up the path and she was reminded of how cold it had been when she'd almost lost him. He had come so close to being taken away from her forever. Before he'd left the hospital, an orderly had touched his cheek, smiled huge and referred to him as 'Milagro' once again. Cal had stared at her but had taken it in stride despite the fact that he was obviously a little unnerved. So damned close. But now his hand was warm and dry and felt good curled around hers.

As soon as he let them into the entry, the pounding of feet on stairs reverberated through the house as Cal and Gillian shared a smile.

"Dad! Oh my God, I was so worried!" Emily threw herself into his arms, tears overflowing from her big brown eyes.

"Hi luv. Missed you loads." He hugged her back, expression slightly pained.

Cal had spoken to her everyday after leaving ICU but there was no comparison to being able to catch her in a bear hug, despite the discomfort.

"Why didn't you call? I could have met you at the airport!"

"Ours lives have been in danger enough these past several weeks."

"Very funny." She playfully slapped him, her eyes rounding instantly as he winced. "I'm sorry." Concern darkened her eyes. He hadn't been completely upfront about everything that had happened to him and Gill had only been slightly more forthcoming. "Are you going to tell me?"

He tried to dodge her questioning gaze but she was relentless. "Maybe a little later."

Emily narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously before softening a moment later. With a nod, she turned to Gillian, and gave her a tight hug as well. "I'm glad that you're safe."

"Thank you Emily."

"Hey. You guys hungry? I was gonna order some pizza."

"Sounds fine darlin'."

"Any requests?"

"Your call. Just no little staring fish."

"Like _that_ would ever happen."

Gillian kept her eyes on Cal, noticing the fatigue and discomfort. Without a word, she slipped his overnight bag off his shoulder and dropped it next to the coffee table before laying a hand on his arm and raising an eyebrow. He allowed a tiny smile before crossing to the couch and carefully lowering himself onto it.

Watching this silent communication with interest, Emily took a step away. "I'll just, uh, go phone the order in."

Neither responded as Gillian sat down next to him, her eyes serious. "You okay?"

"Just tired."

"Maybe I should head home."

"Like you here."

"You should get some rest." She touched his face, a little concerned. He seemed a bit pale.

Cal gave a slow smile. "I sleep well with you next to me."

A blush spread across her cheeks. She didn't know what to say to that.


	20. Chapter 20

She didn't remember doing it, she honestly didn't.

They'd been hanging out with Emily and she'd watched as the girl would subtly and not-so-subtly press her father for information, only to be gently rebuffed every time. Gill always enjoyed their verbal sparring as long as neither attempted to pull her into the middle and this time was no exception.

Halfway through dinner, she noticed that Cal had spent an exorbitant amount of time just on one piece of pizza and didn't even quite finish it. For a guy that could pack away four slices, it was a bit of a concern. But he was tired. It was etched in his face and all his movements.

Emily retired to her room after having a brief panic attack about an upcoming Calculus test and at that point, Gillian guided Cal up to bed, promising to stay until he fell asleep, for which he seemed grateful. He changed into pajama bottoms and a t-shirt in the bathroom before crawling into bed and falling asleep almost immediately.

Kicking off her shoes, she curled up in the big overstuffed armchair kitty-corner to the bed and held vigil, not unlike what she'd been doing for the past several weeks. Of course she had to admit to herself, this was a lot more comfortable. The sound of his slow and steady breathing gradually lulled her into her own light sleep.

When she opened her eyes, she froze. Although on top of the covers, she was curled into Cal, her face pushed into the space between his neck and shoulder, one hand lightly on his chest, her knee bent and slightly overlapping his left leg. She could feel his arm around her shoulders.

At that moment, he shifted and his face grazed her hair before immediately stilling. He slowly turned toward her, blinking bleary confused eyes as she stared back, just as confused.

"Sorry Cal. I don't remember…" She started to pull away but his arm tightened around her.

"Don't go."

"I hadn't meant to-"

Cal moved his face closer and gently kissed her, effectively cutting off her nervous babbling. It was slow and sweet and she found herself returning it. Her hand moved from his chest to tenderly caress his face.

"Don't go." He repeated. It was a whispered breath in the dark before he was asleep once again with her not far behind.

_**(BREAK)**_

The next time she awoke, light was streaming through the crack in the drapes. Gillian carefully moved away from Cal's side, noting that neither of them had shifted in the night. She had slept solidly for the first time in weeks and now felt like she'd finally stepped away from the specter of exhaustion.

Her eyes fell to the bedside clock and gave an instant low groan. It was very near noon. A flush warmed her face at the realization that Emily had most likely witnessed them asleep in the same bed together. She hadn't shut the door because she hadn't _planned_ on staying. Gillian didn't want the girl to get the wrong idea. Of course, what idea was that? She and Cal had grown closer and the past month had almost cemented it but was she ready for Cal's daughter to think they were a couple? She wasn't so sure, but then again, the teenager had already seen them curled up together. _Shit._ With a sigh, she pushed herself off the bed.

"You off?" His gravelly voice cut into her thoughts.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. Um, I'm going to go into work for at least a few hours, but I wanted to stop by my place for a shower and a change."

"Maybe I'll join you."

"Excuse me?" Her voice went an octave higher.

Amusement played around his eyes. "I meant that I'd go into work with you."

"Oh." She was slightly disturbed to find that she was a little disappointed. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Actually I think it's a bloody marvelous idea. Mentally I'm going rammy. At least there I can get up to speed while abusing Loker."

Gillian gave him a stern look.

"Kidding luv."

She watched him slowly pull himself up from the bed, bending a little more in the middle than he normally would. "Maybe you should take a few more days."

"Nope." His tone left no room for discussion and she found herself sighing with annoyance.

"Fine. At least let me make us some breakfast first. And you'd better eat it."

"That implies a bit of threat darlin'."

"Take it as you wish. But if you don't eat, you're not coming into work."

Eyes narrowing, Cal stared at her and stepped into her space. Gillian returned his gaze coolly.

"Don't try that with me Cal. If you can threaten to have me kicked out of Intensive Care for my own good, I can do this."

Stopping, he was immediately at a loss. "What? I did that?"

"You did." Gillian's eyes were defiant.

His eyes slowly crawled over her face, burning a path as they went before deciding she was being truthful. With that realization, his expression lost some of its sharpness. "You didn't want to leave me." He took another half step forward.

She didn't back away. Cal watched curiously as softness washed her defiance away.

Gillian became overly aware that she was standing right in the middle of this man's bedroom as she felt his warm breath tickle her hair. She carefully watched his eyes. Desire flashed back at her without a doubt, but it was eclipsed by something else. Something that made a little sob catch in her throat. Unconditional love and tenderness laced with awe. Having no memory of it, he was clearly overwhelmed by the fact that she had refused to leave him.

"I couldn't Cal." Her voice was surprisingly strong, even as her eyes began to brim with tears. She didn't allow them to fall.

He was suddenly cradling her face in his hands, his thumbs gently stroking her cheekbones. "You're bloody amazin'. You know that luv?" Cal gave her a rare full smile.

Gillian blushed and his smile widened as he leaned toward her. His words were a sultry whisper in her ear. "Now how 'bout that breakfast?"

She couldn't help herself. The giggles burst forth as all the tension that had coiled in her belly began to break free. Gillian was then pulled into a hug as his low chuckle reached her ears, followed by the words: "Love you Gill."


	21. Chapter 21

**_Thanks for the reviews and comments! :-)_**

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><p>She ran her hands gently over his back, pausing briefly at the raised scarring she found on the lower right. He immediately stiffened and started to pull away, but she wouldn't let him. One hand stayed on his back while the other found his face, frowning at the now troubled expression she found there.<p>

"What are you thinking?" Gill's voice was soft.

"Nothing luv."

She knew Cal wasn't a vain man by any stretch of the imagination, but the extensive scarring that Lucas' bullet had left seemed to weigh on him regardless. It hadn't even occurred to her until her fingers had lightly run over the puckered skin easily felt through his thin t-shirt. He tried to pull back again and she stopped him the only way she possibly could. She pushed her lips against his to let him know that she loved him and found him desirable no matter what. Her own barriers started to crumble at the contact as he opened up to her and softly kissed her back. She could feel his hand twine in the hair at the back of her head as his other rested lightly against the side of her neck. It was a gentle and tender exploration of lips and tongue that was full of promise before he moved away.

"Do you love me?" A low murmur against her ear.

She ran her lips against the stubble on his jaw. "Very much."

Pulling back a bit more, he studied her intently, eyes dark, almost unreadable.

"I'm just so sorry it took…" She stopped, not wanting to complete the thought that made her feel like dying inside.

"I know." Cal kissed her brow, her lips again. "I'm okay…or at least I'll be okay. We can move on."

_Moving on. She wasn't exactly sure what that would entail, but she was willing to take it a little at a time. His near miss hadn't changed who he was. It had just clarified what exactly he meant to her. She expected a difficult road ahead, but right now she was happy to be in the moment._

He stepped back out of her arms, giving a tiny smile that hinged on sadness before it disappeared. "Maybe I _will_ take a couple more days luv. Don't know if I'm up to abusing Loker just yet."

The gentle rebuff stung a little, but she figured she couldn't take it personally. He had a lot to work out. "Sure."

_**(BREAK)**_

"Where's Gill?"

Cal looked up at his daughter with a frown. "Work I suspect. Why?"

"No reason." She dumped her backpack on the floor by the couch and wandered into the kitchen. He heard the telltale noises of snack search and destroy. Emily stepped out a moment later, munching on an apple and staring at him.

"What?" Putting aside his laptop, he raised an inquiring brow.

"Something you want to tell me?" Her dark eyes were expectant, bordering on amusement.

"What are you on about?"

"You guys were pretty cozy this morning."

He stared back, a tiny bit confused before it dawned on him. "It's been a hard month Em."

"And that means what exactly?"

"It means that you need to mind your own business." His tone was sharper than he'd intended.

She was unfazed, having had entirely too much practice dealing with him. Without a word, she closed the distance to the couch, stepped over his legs and dropped down next to him. His brief wince didn't go unnoticed. "You okay dad? I mean, physically?"

"Getting on." He didn't look at her.

"I can tell. What about mentally?"

"A shrink now, are ya?"

"Dad…" Emily's voice held warning. "Do you really expect me to let it all go? Seriously? First you guys disappear without a trace, then Gill calls three days later saying you've been…shot." Tears began to brim her intelligent brown eyes, but she didn't allow them to fall. "You're gone for a month, so I can't help but think…"

Cal threw an arm around her, pulling the girl against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry Em."

"You almost died didn't you?"

"Did Gillian tell you that?"

"No. She kept me updated but I always had the feeling she was holding back. Whenever I'd call her on it, she'd change the subject."

He let out a sigh. "She was only doing what I would have wanted her to do."

"And what's that?"

"Protect you."

"Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore."

He kissed the top of her head. "I know luv. It just got pretty…hairy down there."

"So it's true?"

Not answering, his mind turned the thought over and closely examined it. _If he hadn't almost died, would Gillian have admitted her feelings for him?_ Seems unlikely. They probably would still be going on as always. In love, but heads so far up their arses that they couldn't possibly see the light. Maybe it would have been better that way.

"Dad?"

"Yeah. So I've been told." It was just a whisper. He hadn't wanted to admit how close he'd come.

Her face nestled into his neck. He could feel wetness. "Hey Em." One finger under her chin raised her face toward him. "I might be battle scarred but I'm okay. You don't need to worry so much."

"Can't help it." She gave a little sniffle and Cal smiled, reminded of the tiny little girl she'd once been.

"I'm sorry."

"This wasn't your fault."

That was true. This time he had nothing to do with the mess he'd found himself in. "Guess not."

"What happened to…the people who did this?"

"In custody." Or dead. He hadn't remembered Lucas being killed, so part of him still expected the lumbering bodyguard to come sniffing around.

"That's good."

They sat in silence for several minutes as Emily's tears dried and Cal unconsciously rubbed her shoulder.

"What about Gill?"

"What about her?"

"Is she okay?"

_Really confused apparently. _ No, that wasn't fair. She knew her own feelings, for better or for worse. "Um, I think so."

The girl was immediately suspicious. "There's something you're not saying."

"Do you have to know everythin'?"

"As much as possible. Yes."

"You're just like your old man."

"Yeah. It _is_ unfortunate." She shifted, curling her leg under her and turning to look at him directly. "Still waiting."

"You won't let it go."

"No. I'll just go to Gill."

"She'll dance around it too."

Emily gave a low growl of agitation. "You both drive me nuts!" She bounced on the couch and he winced again, causing her to stop immediately. "Sorry. I mean, there was something _different_ last night between you two and then I see you guys curled up together this morning…"

"You spying?"

"I _live_ here dad. And the door was wide open. Anything to say?"

Cal didn't know _what_ to say. He'd awakened in the night and Gillian had just _been_ there. She'd been just as confused as he'd been. And what did he do? He'd kissed her. Encouraged her. And then did it again this morning. Of course she'd initiated that one. _Shit_. He wanted it. He wanted her. But let's face it; he wasn't the nicest of guys. His brain felt so damned muddled. "Don't know Em. I honestly don't know."


	22. Chapter 22

Although nowhere near an expert, it wasn't difficult for Emily to pick up on what was going on. While not exactly an open book, her dad wasn't currently hiding either. The experience that he and Gillian had shared had pushed them even closer and considering they were already close…well, it didn't take a rocket scientist (or a detection expert) to figure out that their self-imposed line had shifted.

Only one problem. Her father.

Em had no delusions to her dad's tendencies. Since her parents' divorce, he'd found quite a few harbors to drop his anchor in. It was gross but she wasn't blind, nor was she an idiot. But he'd never gotten close to anyone and it always traced back to Gillian. She was fairly certain he had the whole Madonna/Whore thing going on but the problem was that he'd put Gill on such a high pedestal that he'd virtually made her unattainable.

"You know dad, you need to stop this."

His face swung toward her. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you think that it's up to her to some degree?"

Cal still looked completely blank and Emily gave a soft sigh. "Look, I know you're going to tell me to mind my own business, but I can't sit by and watch you do this."

Eyes narrowing, he tilted his head. "Watch me do what?"

"Push Gillian away."

He suddenly looked tired again. "I'm not pushing Gillian away." Even as he said it, he knew it was a lie, knew that Emily would see it as such.

"Bull."

"It's complicated."

"That's what adults say when they don't want to deal with something."

"When did you become such a cynic?"

"Do you really need me to answer that?"

Cal brought a hand up to massage his temple, headache looming on the horizon. "Don't you have homework?"

"Don't change the subject."

"How else can I get you off my back?"

Emily reached out and dropped a hand on his shoulder, brows up, and eyes sincere. "Has it occurred to you that you now have a second chance to make a right decision?" Leaning forward, she pecked him on the cheek before getting to her feet. "And yeah, I do have homework." With that, she grabbed her backpack and disappeared up the stairs.

He stared after her, wondering when she'd gotten so damned wise.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian answered on the second knock, looked harried and a bit disheveled. She blinked in surprise to find him on her doorstep.

"Hey luv."

Jaw set, she moved to the side to allow him entry. He'd been avoiding her for the last week and a half and the hurt and anger twisted an uneasy knot in her stomach.

"Just get in? A bit late isn't it?"

"Yes Cal. Someone has to put the hours in until you're up to returning." She bit her lip, wishing she could take back the words, but he only looked resigned.

He stepped inside and she was happy to see that his movements seemed less stilted. "Can I have a word?"

Pushing the door shut behind him, she waved him into the living room. "Drink?" She paused. "Can you even have a drink Cal?"

"Yeah. Flushed the pain pills a bit ago."

Grabbing a couple of glasses and a bottle of merlot, she left the kitchen and carefully sat in the armchair, diagonal from him. She poured, handed him a glass and served herself a generous portion, leaving the bottle on the coffee table within easy reach. "So to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Sorry I didn't call you back."

Nodding, she took a sip, eyes angry because she didn't want him to see the hurt.

He appeared unsure of himself and it took a moment but Gillian couldn't help but soften.

"I've had a lot going on…in my head…these last couple of weeks and I wanted to ask you somethin'."

"Okay."

Taking a sip, he peered at her from above the rim before putting the glass down. "Do you think…your feelings for me emerged because of the stress of the situation?" His face twisted slightly, the words not coming easily. "I mean, are they true or was it like a Florence Nightengale sort of thing 'cause you were there for me the whole time?"

Frowning, she stared at him. "You really need to ask me that?"

"Maybe you're-"

"Misinterpreting my own feelings?"

He suddenly felt very foolish. "I guess I just need to be sure." His voice had gone quiet.

Biting her lip again, she looked down at her hands for a moment before her eyes found his again. "I'm not saying that circumstances didn't…exacerbate things…but I know what was there to begin with." She took in a heavy breath before releasing it slowly to calm her sudden jitters. "That night in the garage, before it all went to hell."

Waiting, Cal's eyes didn't leave her face.

"I felt something. More connection than usual, maybe? I'm not even sure, but I almost…I almost invited you home with me."

He knew exactly what she meant. The air had been heavy. He'd pushed her hair behind her ear and had wanted to kiss her before rethinking and stepping back. Tilting his head, he suddenly smirked. "You were gonna invite me home?"

"Crossed my mind, but I probably wouldn't have." Gillian was suddenly red-faced.

"Now, that's unfortunate." Finishing up his wine, he pushed himself to his feet and held a hand out to her.

She stared at it suspiciously, but her heart began to accelerate and her blush deepened.

"Bet you haven't eaten yet." Cal smiled down at her, cockiness gone, eyes warm. "Let's go get some dinner."

Allowing him to pull her up, she was suddenly enveloped in his strong embrace and felt herself sink against him. She could feel his vibrant heartbeat against hers as her eyes slid shut, a tiny sigh escaping her lips.

They stood together, holding on and rocking gently for several moments before she felt his hand on her face. Parting her lashes, she peered deeply into his rich, hazel eyes. Neither said a word before she felt his lips on hers, firm but gentle, his tongue inquisitive as it sought out hers. She pressed into him further, her arms wrapping around the back of his neck, effectively locking him against her. All the tension, fear and longing of the last month culminated in this perfect kiss. They broke away a moment later, breathing hard and smiling like idiots.

"Wow."

"Could say that again luv." He pressed another small kiss below her ear, feeling a shudder run through her. One hand dropped and ran over the swell of her hip.

"Are you getting handsy again?"

Looking at her, a tiny bit of confusion crossed his features. "Again?"

"Mmhm." She grinned, enjoying herself. "In the hospital, they gave you something that…let's say, made you extra affectionate."

He blinked. "Do I owe you a retroactive apology?"

"It's okay. I considered the source."

"What else did I do?"

"Hmmm…you were singing at one point."

"_What?_" Cal was clearly aghast. "_That's a lie_."

She shrugged, eyes coy. She reached up and touched his face, fingers sliding against his stubble before leaning forward and kissing him again. "You're right. That _was_ a lie."

"Mean one you are."

"Wasn't lying about the handsyness though."

"Didn't think you were. Lowered inhibitions and all. Brings out natural tendencies." His grin turned slightly predatory as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush, making her gasp. The kiss was a lot more passionate and demanding as she felt her knees weaken and lightning bolts of heat shoot through her body. _Oh my God!_

Gillian almost fell when he suddenly moved away to grab his coat. She gaped at him and he smirked back. "Two can tease darlin'. Ready for dinner?"

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><p><em><strong>Think this might be an okay end, unless you all want more. Thoughts? <strong>_


	23. Chapter 23

_**This chapter is a little bit on the M-ish side (just before the break). Not really graphic but I thought I'd say something nonetheless.**_

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><p>He joined her in the shower shortly before dawn.<p>

She wasn't surprised and offered a gentle smile as Cal leaned over and kissed her neck.

"Nervous?" His voice was a little gravelly. Neither had slept particularly well.

"Um, yeah, a little."

"Gonna be okay luv." He ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms. "Tense?"

"Mmhm."

"Maybe I could, you know, do somethin' to relax you a little." He gently pushed against her as she giggled.

"You're insatiable."

"Only when it comes to you darlin'." He kissed her tenderly under the spray as her hands worked their way around his neck to play with his wet hair.

They'd been married just shy of a year. The outside ceremony had been small but lovely with Gillian in pale lavender and Cal is a dark charcoal suit. It had gone down with a soundtrack of Gill's great-aunt smacking at bees. The video recording still elicited sighs and chuckles.

"Not sure how much time we have..." Even as the words left Gill's lips, her eyes were closing and her heart was racing.

"Plenty…of …time." He had backed her up against the shower wall and was nibbling down her throat to her clavicle.

They were booked on a flight out of Dulles that afternoon to take them to London, where they were going to spend several days as a sort of late honeymoon before heading off for their next big step. London wasn't the nerve-wracking part. Gillian was looking forward to having Cal show her around his old stomping grounds. It was the next part of the trip that had her insides in a quivering pool.

Of course at that very moment, she was forgetting about all her inner turmoil as his gentle caresses, talented lips and tongue had her flushed and gasping, followed by strong thrusts that had her panting and her toes curling. Cal had the capacity to get her mind off _anything_.

She clung to him fiercely, kissing along his stubble coated jaw before passionately grabbing his lips as they rode out their mutual release, both trembling, both momentarily satiated.

His breath tickled her ear, voice like silk. "S'alright luv?"

"Yeah." She kissed him again. "Much more relaxed."

He nuzzled softly at her neck. "Good. No reason to be scared. No more red tape. It's all set."

_**(BREAK) – 8 months later**_

Cal let himself in and stepped into the entry. The sight that assaulted his eyes made him rethink and he slowly started to back toward the door, hoping that no one had heard him. Hoping that maybe he'd be able to get away in time.

"Dad?"

_Shit._

Emily came out of the kitchen and rounded into the living room, a large smile on her face that widened even more at the pained expression on her father.

"Um," he waved his hand. "Is this really necessary?"

"What are you talking about? Of course it's necessary!" She looked insulted. "You have any idea how long it took me to blow them all up?" There were easily 75 balloons littering his living room.

"Cal?"

Gillian was coming downstairs so his chances of escape had dropped to nil.

She came into sight just a moment later and he immediately softened. Despite looking a little tired, she was beaming.

On her hip rode a little tow-headed boy. When he saw Cal, the child started kicking and reaching out to him with the familiar chant of "Dadadadada…"

Stepping forward, Cal planted a soft kiss on his wife before sweeping the boy up in his arms. "Hey little man, you been good to your mum, have you?"

Aidan had his 1year birthday coming up, which interestingly enough, was exactly eight months from the time they'd brought him home to the U.S. from his native Ukraine. He was a good-natured kid that had everyone instantly wrapped around his stubby little fingers. Naturally Gillian was mad for him.

Cal lightly tossed him upward and the boy erupted with a spray of laughter and spittle. "Supply towels with your showers?" Rubbing his face against his shoulder he was soon hugging the child close.

"Dad doesn't think this is all necessary." Emily raised her eyebrows at Gillian pointedly.

"Tattle tail." He gave his daughter a dirty look. "I mean, isn't this a bit over the top considering he's not going to have any memory of it?"

"You should see the cake that Gill made!"

"My point exactly. Aidan's not exactly a connoisseur. I mean he _was_ trying to eat _dirt _and_ dust bunnies_ yesterday."

Both women pouted at him as the baby happily drooled. He let out a sigh. "How many people?"

They looked at one another before facing him. Cal didn't take that as a good sign.

"Um, maybe 35, 40 people?" Emily's eyes slid off to the side as she did a mental count.

Okay. Could be worse. "In the garden, yeah?"

Gillian was watching closely, amused. "Sure Cal. That way you could hide in your study."

"Damn straight. One quick question: Does the kid even _know_ 35 or 40 people?"

"Funny dad." Emily patted him on the shoulder before leaning over and giving her little brother a kiss. "I've got to go but I'll be back later tonight."

"I was being serious."

She just gave him a smile, noting the irritation but seeing it for what it really was: a thin veil that barely masked his happiness. It had taken him a while but he'd finally gotten there. The second chance was all he needed.

With a wave, she grabbed her purse and coat and was out the door.

Gillian moved closer, leaning her head against Cal's shoulder while reaching out and giving the little boy a tickle. "Are you really having issues with the party?"

He chuckled and pressed his lips against her brow. "No luv, not if it's what you want."

"The last couple of years have been kind of crazy."

'Yeah, they have."

"Would you change anything?"

Cal turned to her, eyes intent, ignoring his son as the boy happily smacked him on the side of the head. "Not in the least."

She kissed his neck. "That's good."

"I had a very wise person tell me once that I had a second chance to make a right decision."

"Very wise person, hmmm?"

"Wiser than her old man at least." He caught Gillian's lips in a tender kiss as the baby laughed with delight.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Too sugary? Too saccharine? Without a doubt! Oh well. Here's to Happily Ever After! <strong>_


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